Polarity & The Road to Peace

As you may know by now, I have been administrating and authoring websites and web forums and communities for about 12 years online. My spiritual journey began long before that of course, but the internet really helped me to connect on a greater scale, and I have found that the greater my base of friends and relations has become online, the more I have unlocked within myself.

It's quite easy to find peace in ones own sphere of understanding; if you do not press outside of your boundaries, you will seldom find things to tamper with your equilibrium. But when you expose yourself to situations or people which you usually wouldn't encounter, you open yourself up to new perspectives, and this is honestly when the profound growth begins to occur.

I remember being a spiritually minded child, my mother would really stimulate me by sitting up late at night, talking about our ideas of God, and the universe. We would imagine together in such a way that I felt really challenged, and yet free to explore; my mother is a great and many things, but she has always pushed me to explore the depths of my psyche, and indeed reality around me, for that I will always treasure her.

As I got older I dabbled, as many of you are aware, in everything from Golden Dawn, to being in a Wiccan Coven, to Buddhism/Taoism, and eventually settled on a solitary path of ancient Paganism. I have run Starseed websites and forums, as I also honor the path of the soul, and know that we are not all native to this body, to this planet, indeed to this universe. I believe life is an infinite spiral, much like the fractal patterns of the Mandalbrot Set, and we move in endless directions on our path of self-awareness.

The more I have pushed myself, the more I have been challenged, and this challenge doesn't always feel warm or fuzzy. But it is always abundantly rewarding, if only through the wizened eyes of retrospect.

I am poor at analogy, but let me attempt, sloppy as it may be. Imagine you lived in a small town, with a population of only a hundred people. Every day you got up, went to the same job, saw the same people, did the same thing, and then went home to dinner, to bed, all so you could get up and do it all again the next day. Imagine this safe little country life was all you knew, and all you understood of the world. Sounds idyllic to many, yes? I myself would love to live in this type of glorious blissful ignorance, as it would be safe, and predictable, and quite routine.

Now let's look to the polarized opposite of this ideal and quiet life; let's say you are an adventuresome nomad who has spent most of your life roaming from town to town, country to country. You've explored every area of the earth your feet have led you towards, and as a result you have seen countless cultures, beliefs, ideals and lifestyles. You are familiar with the customs of many, and this has enabled you to get along quite well with people of all sorts of belief and lifestyle.

Now let's take these two hypothetical versions of yourself, the quiet country simple you, and the world traveler, and put them together in a room with a table and two chairs. These two versions of you sit together, facing one another. Now, let's have one more person enter the room with both versions of yourself, and let this person be an alien, humanoid perhaps, but strange and different from what you both now. Let this third being stand between you both, and just look back and forth from you both.

What do you think the result would be? I can only imagine that the simple routine-enriched version of myself would be so shocked as to perhaps faint, or have a full blown panic attack. The ability to comprehend this level of difference would just not function. And yet, the other version of myself, who has spent her life exploring and amongst a vast array of people would most certainly feel inspired and awed and humbled and excited.

Now, I weave this very pedantic and childish analogy to draw a point, and yes, I do have a point, thank you for bearing with me :)

If spiritually speaking, you surround yourself with the same routine, the same people with the same ideals, and the same notions, and the same information and ritual, day in and day out, I have no doubt you will be blissful. Ignorantly blissful...

And yet, spiritually speaking, if you explore, and push yourself to understand others, and you wander, and you go to lengths to walk a mile in the shoes of other people, with other beliefs and ideals and morals, you will no doubt be equipped to take on pretty much anything life sets before you.

I draw this simple analogy for a purpose; I see a lot of spiritualists starting to hit "the wall". You know how runners will reach a point in their race where they lose all energy and feel like falling down? They have hit the wall, and it is up to them whether they continue to push forward, or they stop and rest. There is no good or bad in either choice too, that is not what this is about. This is about the wall itself, and when one hits the spiritual wall it is fantastic.

When you go about your spiritual routine, and life, you will inevitably come across something that pushes your beliefs, rubs you the wrong way, makes you question your very existence, because this is the very nature of philosophy, which is a fundamental principal in a spiritually driven life. And when you are confronted by this very profound and life altering moment, it is much like a runner hitting the wall. You run out of steam, you feel exhausted, you throw your hands up and say "whats the use?? I have spent so much time learning, meditating, reading, exploring, I'm tired!!! I give up!" You can either give in and go within yourself and tune out for however long you want, or you can muster up the drive and courage to keep going.

When you find that courage to keep going true transformation begins. 

It is not a bad thing to hit the spiritual wall, and throw your hands up and say "Forget it!! I'm outta here". In fact if you feel this way, then maybe it's a good idea to take a breather. Put down your spiritual books, and put the crystals and amulets back on the shelf, and leave your sage unlit, and go have a bath or sit outside and reconnect to your physicality. You can always choose to courageously move forward at any point in time. But should you choose to do so while you feel the mental strain and exhaustion you will always find your growth accelerates.

There is no prize for first place in Awakening, but if you are driven towards true self-awareness, then I urge you to take the path less traveled and really push yourself. Because true growth will not occur through easy-breezy peaceful platitudes; you must go through your own personal storm in order to achieve a greater level of self-awareness and Universal understanding.

You must weather the mental strain of the dichotomies of philosophy, in order to really push your mind outside of the box it currently resides in. You have to tear down your understanding of life, brick by brick and piece by piece, in order to be able to see the true construct of life, as it is. In this way, Awakening is very much like the movie The Matrix, because it is not an easy or whimsical task to open ones eyes up to the truth of infinite essence. You have to unlearn all of the programmed dogma residing within your psyche and ancestry. You have to look into the darkest recesses of yourself and your ego, to the horrendously ugly parts of yourself, the greedy aspects of you, the trifling judgmental and downright nasty parts of yourself. It is imperative for you to truly "know thyself" in order to reach enlightenment.

And the journey to this deep intimate level of self-awareness is fraught with ugly truths my friends. So it is going to hurt. And it isn't going to feel like sunshine and roses every step of the way; it simply can not - and if it does, then you're not getting it. We are living on planet polarity for a reason - you can not go from zero to sixty in 1 second, you must gradually pick up the pace, and this takes time, determination, perseverance, and a dedication to truth, compassion, forgiveness, clarity, and love.

So I see you there, sitting alone feeling disconnected, confused, hurt and scared. I see you clearly, and I've sat there in your position, and I have no doubt I will feel that way again, and again. This is because I am also dedicated to my personal journey of self-awareness, and I know it isn't always going to tickle. There are going to be days where I can barely get out of bed because I feel to the core of my being just how insidiously disgusting my ego is. There will be days where I can't stand to look at humanity because I'll understand on a cellular level just how manipulative and greedy and diabolical our species can be. There will be days where I feel so alone, and jaded, that I'll think "forget all this spiritual crap, I'm going back to 3D where I only have to believe what I see".

But we know that's not possible. You can not unlearn what you know. And while ignorance is bliss, it is a very short one way street that leads to a dead end.

To transcend the ignorance of bliss, push yourself to go beyond what you know and hold tightly to, and venture out into the knowledge of the infinite. It is scary. Sometimes it is gross. And at times it will be exhausting. And yet it will always lead to milestones, plateaus, and moments of epiphany so great as you feel deeply within yourself our connection - our truth - our cosmic ancestry.

So don't give up. And don't settle for easy. Push yourself to truly understand yourself, your motives, your agenda. Look at your darker aspects and own it - don't try to project it or simplify it or justify it - just look at the despicable parts of yourself and say "yes, that is part of who I have been, now I see it, I understand it, and it is my imperative to grow beyond it."

The road to peace isn't paved with soft fluffy white clouds. It isn't a peaceful boat ride on a quiet summer stream. It certainly isn't a cobblestone walk up illuminated stairs, while holding hands with angels...

The road to peace is paved with polarity. Shine your light on it - see it - learn from it - and keep moving forward. Always. You are never alone... you are Love.

Reflecting: Maiden, Mother & Crone

Tomorrow I go into the hospital to have a hysterectomy after 3 decades of quite horrendous pain, complications, and poly-cystic ovarian disease. A special friend of mine reminded me last week that it is best to cleanse my etheric and physical body in preparation of this surgery, so I'd like to dedicate this blog post to my femininity, in honor of every woman on the planet. I hope you will enjoy my tribute to the wild divine.

Thirty years ago I began to menstruate, and being Christian at the time knew this was my burden to bear, being female; women are the perpetrators of original sin, and our menses was a reminder of our sins. Of course, as I grew up and explored the world, and my own divine within I came to understand that our menses is part of the natural cycles of birth and death in the physical reality of Earth. I also came to understand that menstruation is a blessing of fertility and creation.

At the age of 21 I was diagnosed with PCOD, which attributed to the pain I would get monthly, the dismennoreah, and the tremendous surges of hormone and chemical imbalance. I prepared to live a life childless, as my PCOD was severe enough to render me virtually infertile.

However, at 28 I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little girl, and 11 years later she is my greatest blessing ever.

So here I am, the night before surgery, with so much to be thankful for, and a lifetime to look back and reflect upon as a woman. My "curse" has been quite a struggle these last 30 years, and indeed there have been many times I've been doubled up in pain in the bath crying over the pain, wishing I'd been born male :) But in the end I beat the odds, carried a child full term, and have managed quite well despite the health issues within my ovaries and womb.

As a Pagan, I can't help but also reflect upon the Goddess at this time. On my own personal journey of the Maiden, to the Mother, heading towards being a Crone, I can crack a smile of irony at the ways I have mistreated myself and my body in my life. As a Maiden I made choices which were not wise, and left me dealing with the consequences well into Motherhood. And yet now, as a Mother, I look back in hindsight and value each experience I've had. I have lived with unbelievable migraines since my late teens and know that the hysterectomy won't necessarily diminish them, but I know that this is just part of what makes me "me".

I give thanks to the Goddess energy, both within and without, and I feel the angelic energies surrounding me at this time and feel peaceful. I have felt the energies for the last week, as ethereal friends and family stand around me creating a wall of Love, and I am humbled to know that I am not alone in this, as I've never been alone at any other point in my life.

All of the times I have felt victimized by my body and the pain it endures have helped me to better value health and well being. And I am reminded that no matter what follows this, I will never have to endure another cramp :)

I release any negativity stored within my womb now, to the Universe. I give thanks to my womanly organs; thanks for carrying my beautiful angel child full term, for helping her come into this world perfect and whole. I am thankful for the wonders I have learned at the tribulation of pain and discomfort. And I am humbled to be a woman in every respect.

Mother Goddess, I feel you with me, and I am awed by your love and generosity. May your blessings remain with me well through surgery and into recovery, that I may regain my strength and return to my daily life in due course.

I give this all to the Universe now, with faith that all is well, always, and in all ways. Divine Love ~ I Am.

The Bean Seedling

When my daughter was small, in Kindergarten, she came home from school one day with a little Styrofoam cup. In the cup was dirt, and I asked her, "What is this?" and she said "it is my bean seed! I am going to grow a bean stalk!"


I knew at that moment, that it was indeed to be my bean seed, and I took it from her, and placed it upon the kitchen windowsill, with promises to water it while she was at school every day.


Every day I would put some water into the cup, and eventually after a few days a little piece of green sprouted forth through the dirt. My daughter was thrilled to see her bean seed starting to grow. It filled my own heart with joy to see her happiness.


I got caught up in my every day life, as we so often do, and one day forgot about the little seedling. And as I walked through the kitchen I heard a small child's voice say with so much urgency "I'm thirsty!!!" I stopped dead in my tracks, as the hair on my arms raised with goose-flesh, and I pivoted on my heels. I turned towards the window sill and said "did you just talk to me?"


Tears ran down my cheeks as I realized I had forgotten to water the little seed, and even more than this, it had spoken to me. I was immediately humbled, and spent time with the seed, transferring it into a proper pot, and promising to never forget to water it again.


After some time the seedling was getting very big and long, and I knew it wanted to be transferred outside into my garden. So my daughter and I planted it next to the Sunflowers, in a patch of land which was also near our red grape vines. And as the summer continued to provide heat and light, the little seedling indeed became a huge stalk. It was not thick, but it was oh so very long. At the last measure, it had reached over 21 feet in length, and it wound it's way through the sunflowers and grape vines.


As summer began to wane, we picked up ripe big beans from the stalk, which my daughter took in to her teacher. Her teacher was shocked, and told me later in confidence that this was the first time a student had actually given her beans from a seedling. She had given her class seedlings every year, and no one in her years of teaching had nurtured them the way my daughter and I had. She was touched; I was humbled.


This was the first time a plant ever spoke to me aloud, with a voice I could hear. And it was also the day I realized just how beautiful and tenuous our connection with  nature is; we must be responsible to nature in all aspects. We must remember that life is precious, and we must treat it with the care of a mother.

How to Meditate?

I've been asked through the years by countless people about meditation. And as I sat silently a while ago, contemplating my day I was inspired to blog about it. I logged into Facebook to check on messages first, and there was a private message from a sweet new friend, talking about not knowing how to meditate, and this was of course the cosmic anvil to the forehead that I needed to get going.


So first, let me dispel some myths regarding meditation, before I get into the nitty gritty.

• You do not need to sit in the lotus position to meditate. It is advised to keep the spine straight however, and sitting lotus can help to achieve a straight spine, while keeping your root chakra on the ground. But still, this is not essential, you can meditate laying down, you can meditate in virtually any position, because your body does not lead you in meditation, your body follows you.
• You do not need to light candles, or incense, or play calming music to meditate. You can create whatever type of ambient atmosphere you choose to, and if it enhances your ability to focus and relax then follow your intuition. However, you can meditate in utter silence, in the middle of a sunlit park, or you can meditate in the dark; you can meditate listening to ambient music, or to your favourite dance or trance.  
• There is no goal in meditation! This is such a rampant misconception; I see people of all ages, walks of life, and beliefs who think they have to achieve a goal, or reach for some level of meditation and I tell you this is not the goal of meditation. You are not trying to go somewhere, or do something through meditation, what you are trying to do is still yourself, still your mind, and achieve a state of connectivity to spirit through your breathing and awareness.
• You will not Astral Project and get 'lost' while meditating. I cannot tell you how many people are afraid of this, and I really want to stress that this is not what meditation is about! Astral projection is something that takes years of dedicated focus to achieve, and when it is achieved is not something you get 'lost' doing. The soul is infinite, and holds the wisdom of the Universe within it, when it is out of the body it is free - and there is no place to get lost within - as the Soul is every place, at all times.

Now, let's talk about how to begin meditating, for beginners, or those who just want to reconnect to a pure and very organic way to remove stress, and reconnect to spirit. You can meditate anyplace you want to; in the car, in the bathtub, in bed, at work at your desk, in class, etc. This is because meditation is simply a deepening of breathing, and a focus of awareness. You can meditate for 5 minutes, 5 seconds, or 5 hours; it is up to you when, where, how and for how long you choose to meditate!

Let's drop the word meditation for a bit, and work with the word "relax" in it's place. So, when you are ready to "relax", you will get into a comfortable position. It is best to keep the limbs loose, you can put your hands on your lap, or chest, or lay them along side your body. Keep your hands light and loose, there is no need to touch finger to thumb, this is just more complicated Eastern philosophy which sounds great in theory but isn't necessary to "relax". Keep your torso straight, with good posture if possible, with your shoulders back and your head up high. The reason for this is to allow your lungs more capacity for greater intakes of air. Relaxing is all about inhaling rich oxygen!

Ok, so now you understand that meditation is simply relaxing. And the reason we inhale deeply during meditation is because without the rich oxygen supply to our blood stream, which travels to our brains, we can not begin to release the proper endorphin's necessary to achieve a relaxed state. So this is it dear friend, you are going to assume a relaxed, loose and natural body posture, and then you are going to just start to breathe deeply. You can time your breathing if you're starting out, to help you get used to the rhythm of it. I generally suggest people inhale for a count of 5 (counting in your head of course) and hold the air in for a count of 5, then exhale for a count of 6. Take a count of 2-3 between exhaling and the next inhale. As you do this, you may want to relax your tongue, and let it sit naturally just above your bottom teeth, so your jaw is slightly open, and the tongue is touching the roof of the mouth. Really relax your jaw, and tongue, and try not to clench.

You will do this over and over again, as you feel your body begin to relax. You will feel your feet and ankles relax, naturally letting your knees also relax - when you feel the tension move out of them it will be extremely noticeable  and a chain reaction may follow through your body, as your shoulders relax, and your wrists, and your neck. You can do this anywhere, anytime - in order to relax your body, remove physical stress, and help to oxygenate your blood and brain. We require oxygen to be able to function properly at all levels of body, mind, and spirit, so meditate/relax whenever you want, for as long or short a period as you desire.

This is meditation, pure and simple. Relaxing, and focusing your breathing. 

From there, you can choose to go further; you can observe your conscious mind, and when thoughts play through your mind you can shoo them out quietly, with blessings, and continue to clear your mind. This can be an ongoing exercise in clarity, as you observe your conscious mind thinking random mundane thoughts (because it is like a computer that never shuts down, your mind) and continue to shush it gently, without judgment, and continue to breathe and focus. Or you can cleanse your chakras, which I will post about in the next few days to follow up. Or you can do visual healing sessions for yourself, family, loved ones, or the planet. The sky is the limit with meditation! Your body and mind will be relaxed, freeing your Spirit to be more aligned and connected, so what you choose to do with your time as you meditate is purely up to you.

But for beginners, I really do think it's important to just stick to the breathing. Several times a day, just assume a comfortable position, no matter where you are, or what you're doing, and breathe. You'll notice how doing this several times a day will help you to refuel, recharge, and refocus yourself. 

I hope this provides you with the help you need to begin meditating on a daily basis! And if you have any questions, you know where to reach me :) So breathe deeply - and still your mind. 

Namasté

Deprogramming the Mind

Indulge me for a few minutes, okay?

I want you to breathe deeply, and relax your body, and follow me here. I want to bring you to this place I am in, so that you can better understand it. I won't actually be bringing you anywhere, because you're already there, in truth it's all there is, but I am going to try to help you see it, and feel it in a bigger scale. So, bear with me my sweet friend.

Breathe in. Exhale.

I want you to see all of the information you have ever acquired, in school, from your parents, from your siblings, friends and peers. I want you to see all of the facts, the formula's and the numerous bits of data that you have read, heard, seen and understood in all your years on this planet. See it, feel it, understand just what an incredible amount of information that is. We're talking billions of bits of information. We're moving backwards from the last thing you learned today, and believe me you learned more than just one thing today, on some scale, whether you recognized it or not; moving all the way back through your life, to the first thing you learned in your current body, in the womb, about physicality, and warmth, and muffled voices of comfort from far away...

See all of this information, all of this stimuli, get a good grasp of just how much stuff this is.

Now when you have a good idea of just how huge in stature this amount of information is, I want you to visualize yourself putting it into the biggest box imaginable. That's right, take everything you have learned on this planet, everything about color, and sound, and numbers, and people; everything you have learned about form and pattern and feeling and taste and touch. I want you to take every single thing you have retained on any level from conscious to cellular (because you do lock knowledge up at a cellular level, even if you don't consciously remember it) and I want you to see it all bounce up into the air like an enormous basketball, and then bounce down into the biggest box  you ever saw.

Close the box. Seal it. And turn away from it.

The box no longer exists right now, for the sake of this little trip I'm taking you on.

So here you are, every single bit of information you have ever learned is in a box which you no longer can see or want to bother thinking about.

Where does that leave you? Who does that leave you as....

If you strip away all of the information other people have given you since the day you were born what is left?

A blank slate. There is nothing to muddle your perception, there is no bias. Bias is something you have been taught. Perception is something you have been directed to use in certain lights. You have been programmed by every single person you have ever come across on some level, to think, feel, respond, and expect in certain ways. When you take all of that away you are left with the purity of who you are.

Who is that?

Breathe in. Exhale.

You are infinite. You are infinite potentiality. And you have been living in a very limited scope of understanding, based on what others have told you about who you are, and the life you are living in. But you know that you are more than this, that there is more to this life than meets the eye.

So throw away all that old information, and start with a clean slate. You are the game master, as well as the game piece. You are the player, as well as the play write. You are the employee, as well as the employer. It is now up to you to discern how to use your bias, your perception. It is up to you now to decide what is, and what is not of value to you in your life.

Deprogram yourself; it is as simple as realizing your programming - the moment you realize it has been done to you, you liberate yourself of it. And it isn't some sinister thing; this programming. It is simply human nature. We've all lived it, as we put our children through it. We all live the values of those who shaped us, as those who shaped them, and so forth.

So reality check - are you living your authentic values? Or are you echoing your forefathers programming?

Your box is full, and closed and sealed up. What you do with it from here is your call. I keep mine with me, so I can go back and reference the contents as I need to, because I learn so much about the world when I put my programming under a microscope. It's part of who I am, because it's what brought me to this place. I value the programming, because it's allowed me to see it for what it is and instantaneously liberate myself of it.

My mothers religious values are her own.
My fathers anger is his own.
My friends materialism is her own.
My colleagues fear is his own.
My teachers prudence is her own.
My gurus heaven is his own.

Do you see?

It is not mine.

It is not yours. You are free.

My Own Beliefs

I am often asked what my spiritual beliefs are, as I have a varied and wide range of interests, and I suppose to some people my passions are so eclectic that it may seem rather difficult to figure me out. My beliefs truly are eclectic and wide, as I have spent my life exploring both religion and spirituality, as well as people, the psyche, and conditioning; I have come to a place where I no longer have one set belief system. I simply can not, as I find that all religions offer glimpses into the infinite nature of the Universe, however none of them seem capable of articulating the infinite nature of Love.

For this reason, the only word I can use to describe my belief system is Pagan. However, that can be misleading as well, as I do not observe the Sabbaths or equinoxes in a traditional Pagan way. The word Pagan is extremely misunderstood and misused in our present day and age. I find many people believe Paganism is some heathenistic form of deity worship, and others still believe it is a form of satanism. Let me clear this up for those of you who don't know what Paganism is:

The word Pagan simply means "Country dweller". In the olden times, people grew their own food, and relied upon natures plants and herbs for medicines and supplementals. These people watched the stars and constellations to help them stay aligned to Mother Earth in regards to planting, growing, reaping and harvesting. These people also had a vast adoration for the Sun, the moon and stars, as well as the very Earth itself. In this way, Paganism is a pure and very ancient form of nature-worship. 

Pagans of yore knew that we were all connected to nature in a very intimate and tangible way; they understood that the rhythms of nature are the organic ebb and flow of life and death, and as such they placed high value upon walking in harmony with nature.

When the Roman Crusades began throughout Europe, Pagans at the time were converted to Christianity, by force. If Pagans chose to continue to worship their ancient nature gods and goddesses, and did not conform to the dictates of the Christian church, they were often cast out of their towns and villages, or even worst burned or hung for heresy and witch-craft. The reason being, is the Christian political powers that be (out of the Vatican, and through the Monarchy's of the time) knew that the best way to control wide numbers of people was through fear and dogma, and instilling a world religion which promised a fiery afterlife for sinners was a very cunning way to bend people to their will. So many Pagan traditions and beliefs were bastardized and manipulated to the point that they were sufficiently altered to become Christian traditions and beliefs, with darker and scarier undertones of control and brainwashing.

I do not wish to insult Christians in the sharing of this post, but I am quite vocal about my viewpoints regarding organized religion, and I will not exclude those views here. Christianity is the oldest and most successful form of mass mind-control on this planet. 

Thousands of people believed in nature spirits, and in a deep connection to the Earth and all the creatures upon her, this gave people a sense of peace and connection. When this was labeled as sacrilegious and heathenistic, and people began to see townsfolk and kinfolk being punished in countless ways, including death, they had no choice but to convert to Christianity, or watch their loved ones perish. So through the years, Paganism began to take on a dark reputation, through misunderstandings, ignorance, and the slander of the church. 

I again mean no harm, nor disrespect, as I know that many of my friends and readers are indeed Christian, however I must say that I view this religion as extremely dogmatic, fraternal, and cruel. The bible, which I believe was once a beautiful parable about spirituality and the relationship each person has with God, has been re-written, edited, and changed to suit the leaders of each generation so many times, that it no longer holds many of the truths it originally did. Constantine himself made so many edits at the time to suit his own dogmatic fears and insecurities. 

Many of the stories in the bible happened thousands of years before the bible was even composed, and took place in ancient Egypt, Babylon, Sumeria and Maya. Floods epics, giant slayings, parting of seas, all of these stories were taken by Christianity out of Pagan lore and made physical. In the Pagan lore which they were originally told and shared, these stories were myths, and cultural legends used to share morals and ideals. When Christianity got their hands on these stories they were made real, and stripped of spiritual morality, and used to strike fear into the heart of mankind. People who are fearful of their creator are easier to manipulate and control, and the Vatican has made billions proving this throughout the last couple thousand years.

I was a devout Christian well into my teens, going to church alone on Sunday's as my parents did not wish to go with me. It always struck me as hypocritical to hear God referred to as some vengeful man up in Heaven who would reward the good and punish the bad. I did not understand God in that way, and I never will. That is not God to me. God is not some separate individual who looks down upon his creation with bias. That is such a limited and narrow-minded view of God.

So, by way of severe digression, I come back to my original point... what are my beliefs? I believe God is simply everything. All life, all planets, all stars, all space between these planets and stars, each blade of grass, every rock, every drop of water, each oxygen particle, every person - man woman and child - are God. 

God to me is not an individual, as God simply IS - everywhere - in every time - in every capacity. God is the smiling baby you see in it's mothers arms. God is the mother holding the smiling baby. God is the homeless woman begging for spare change on the street corner. God is the insect crawling up your wall. God is the shadows falling at your feet. And God is the light which casts those shadows.

I believe in infinite potential, and infinite Love - and I believe God orchestrated all of *this* life as we know it in order to have an extremely rich and physical experience of Godself. 

I believe we are playing on the planes of polarity - utter and total opposites - in order to really grasp a true understanding of all aspects of ourselves. To better understand peace we have gone through war. To better understand community we have isolated ourselves. To better understand relationships we have experienced heartache. And to better understand our connection to all life, to all love, and to God - we have created religion in order to segregate our beliefs, and detach to the point where we at some point have to accept that God is so much more than we have limited ourselves to believe...

If you think God will send any one of us to Hell, I believe you are living in fear. If you think God is picking and choosing amongst the clean souls and the dirty ones, I believe you are living in separatism. And if you think God favored one above another, I believe you are sadly misusing your own free will to understand God. God is Love. God did not create this rich playing field and give us free will, to then sit back and play judge, jury, and executioner.

These are my beliefs, and they are not air tight. I keep my mind and heart open, as I am aware that what I know is far outweighed by what I don't know. I am humbled by the knowledge that there is so much more to discover than I could possibly ever discover in one single lifetime, with this small mind, and this misinformed ego. 

I value nature, and honesty, and compassion. I believe we are all brothers and sisters, even if we can't play nicely with one another. And I know that each day that goes by presents new lessons, new opportunities for growth and understanding; so I will keep humbly seeking my truths, and opening myself to God/dess.

I am in Love with the force of life around and within me, and I am excited to think what will present itself in my experience next! And these, are my beliefs, as I currently understand them.

Love ~

Losing Oneness: Fear Robs the Moment

Oh so very lucid right now.

I will share some folly with you, share my heart and bare my soul. And you can receive it with whatever energy you intend it to have. That is my gift.

Today I had a beautiful bath after work. And as I washed the conditioner out of my hair I frowned, because again, my hand was full of my own hair. I have been losing it in handfuls for a few months now. It is a "growing concern" pardon the pun. It actually doesn't seem to be growing much of anything. My garden is entering it's Autumn.

I just went out on to the balcony, right after the sun had set behind the vista of the escarpment, and the sky was all red and pink and purple, full of whispy clouds and bird song. I found myself relaxing, and tapping "in" as I often do when alone outside. And I felt my burden slip off, as I examined the levels of insecurity behind it. There, on the surface was vanity. Just below it insecurity. And just below that was (as always and ultimately) fear. So I examined the fear. It led to the same place fear always leads - lack of faith.

Doubt.

I let that go and tapped in further. I felt electric energy on my skin and just knew that I was being gifted of something I have been missing. So I smiled and leaned forward and invited "it" (whatever it was going to be). The tree 40 feet from my balcony, the one which is over 100 feet tall, it caught my eye. And I looked at it, rather losing focus and just soaking in it's greenery. Then I realized that there was a flapping at the top. I tried to focus but the distance was too far to. So I watched and thought at first it was a bat stretching it's wings before flight. Then I thought it had to be a bird. I lost myself in these thoughts, smiling all the while, wondering what else the tree would reveal to me. I saw flapping to the left, let my eyes wander, and saw another creature flapping. A small bird? Another bat? I did not know. Then the whole tree lit up as though it were a christmas tree, the beams of light from the remaining sunset were twinkling through the gaps between the leaves. It was awsome, tears came to my eyes. They return at the thought of it. Heavenly.

I realized the tree had been flapping it's leaves at me, there were no creatures now, just gently flowing leaves. And then I felt within me the tree was greeting me. I greeted her back. And she showed herself to me in a misty transparent image of a colonial woman, she showed me a rutted road running along next to her, and a horse cart on it. Then she sent the most intense healing energy into my heart.

And at the end of this I cried. Partly for joy, and partly for fear.

Fear of losing that feeling.

The fear of losing it serves to remove it. And here I am now, knowing this is my greatest personal struggle, torment, lesson, opportunity, and moment.

I am vulnerable, open, real. A butterly emerging from a deep heavy sleep in cocoon. Ready to spread wings still slick with chrysallis dew. Fearful that I will fall.

Oh God help me help myself end this infernal chattering.

As the tree had sent the healing energy to me, I was very much at peace. At One, as they say. I love feeling At One. It happens more and more, and yet, I fear the loss of it, be it ever so brief. I sat receiving healing from a beautiful creature of Gaia's love and vitality, and the voice inside my head whined for the loss of it, while it was still receiving it.Is that not sad? Is that not the folly of all mankind? I had in the grasp of my knowing the One thing which is truth in my being - and I was enjoying it and worrying about it leaving at the same time.

We are afraid of losing Oneness, so we push it away.

Humanity.

Inflatable Consciousness

I was sitting outside one morning last week, enjoying the energy, feeling the culmination of new 2008 energy meeting "old" 2007 energy. And I tapped into the greater I Am consciousness and began to notice something I had not taken note of previously.

Our consciousness is a tangible thing. It is like a balloon, actually, and you can (if you choose to) feel it moving with your awareness. I played with it a bit, to understand this new knowing better. And sure enough, when I expanded myself to feel the All of Everything, and to put myself in touch with it all, I felt a literal expansion of energy within me that burst through my crown chakra and expanded in a circular pattern from there. It felt like a balloon inflating. Then when I thought about a worry, or concern in my life, I could feel the "balloon" begin to deflate, and then move back down through my crown chakra, and take seat above my heart chakra in a lump of nervous energy.

I did this a few times, and what an exhilarating feeling when expanding my consciousness. A feeling of euphoria took over as I felt stress wash away, and knowledge expand within me. As my consciousness moved up and out of my crown chakra, that was when I felt a universal connection. When I dampened it, and felt it move back within me, deflating, I felt that universal connection sever, and was then back within my own 3D understanding of reality.

I would urge you all to play with this inflatable sense of consciousness within you. The more I have made myself aware of it, the more aware I feel on a moment to moment basis, of where I am consciously within my own energy. This makes it easier to see when I am letting my consciousness deflate.

I wanted to share this with you all in the spirit of the Oneness which we attain when we inflate our own consciousness beyond our crown chakra.

Love,

The Circular Journey

The experience of consciousness is rather like a giant circular process, which goes round and round without any force or exertion. A wheel which brings us round full circle, again and again. Each time the wheel spins us round to a new point within our experience, find ourselves at pivotal points wherein we can discover new ways to face old situations, rise to the energy of the current place we reside in, or live out past cycles again.
The journey of the person awakening to the memory of the soul is no different, and in fact can seem rather amplified once we are aware that we are processing energy, assimilating ideals and philosophies, and awakening to the truth within Self.

In my own experience of this circular cycle, I both observe myself, and those around me, and learn a great deal from all. I have witnessed myself, and other people, meet a new experience, which is then treated with the old reactions. What I mean, is we are constantly given new opportunities to experience, but often we do not meet them as "new", and treat them as we have a past experience. This is what I term being on the merry-go-round. We are free to experience the circular flow of awareness, without being "stuck" as though we were on a ride we could not get off.

The key is to greet each new experience, as new, literally. It is a human behavior to compare all that we are encountering to all we have already encountered. A new person comes into your life, and they remind you of someone from the past, and that similarity can in some way define how you feel about this new person. But in essence this person is new, so is it beneficial to you to hold them up to the image you have of someone else? A job opportunity comes your way, but you were fired from your last job, and are feeling insecure about your abilities, so rather than seeing the new opportunity as a start-off point (which it is) you are seeing it as a challenge; something to feel intimidated by. Someone irritates you, steps on your personal boundaries, and rather than find a new way to respond to this type of situation, you choose to respond in the way which you have previously responded.

We all do this, pretty regularly. We are unsure of the unknown, and it feels much more structured to hold it up to the light of what we do know, and proceed from there.

If we could just have faith in the circular nature of experience, and know that while we are winding round and round our own consciousness, we are receiving new experience by which to flex our own growth muscles, then we could free ourselves of the past and open up to the plethora of opportunity before us.

It is by and large a human fear condition which seats us in the past, holding on to, rather than looking forward to.When you hold on to something which has already occurred in your life, it is a statement on some level that you are not prepared for anything new, as you are now going to languish in the old. But the past is gone, not but an echo, and holding on to it serves no purpose other than self-pity, which is a translation for self-abuse. When you can meet new opportunity from an objective place of receptivity, knowing that while it may remind you of something or someone from your past experience it is truly something new, you free yourself to learn new ways to express yourself in light of the new energy around you.

The Christmas holidays can be a great metaphor for this exact thing. Many of us have memories of Christmas holidays past; dinners with family, gathering with friends, happy times and possibly sad or angry times. This Christmas holiday stands not more than two weeks away from us, take a moment (if you celebrate Christmas) and ask yourself if you are ready to greet this time of year with open receptivity, or if you are holding on to some Christmas past, which is keeping you from allowing in the new of Christmas, 2007.

The circular journey is not one we take into the unknown - into the Universe, out of ourselves. It is an inward journey, which is sublime in intimacy and personal meaning. My inward circular journey of consciousness can only be shared via word, intent, and action. I can not expect another person to have the same experience, because no other person is quite like me. So here we are, billions of us, having the same journey towards inwards knowing, yet many of us are looking "outside" for signs and meaning and poignancy. We can become confused, easily, as to where substance lies.

My latest trip round my own circular consciousness has found me questioning nearly everything I believed in and held dear. While I was experiencing it I was afraid of losing the feeling of safety I had in my previous experience of "believing". I held tightly to what I thought was safe and loving and nurturing, only to find that I was hurting myself by not letting go. And the moment I finally let go, I realized I was not losing anything, I was gaining. I let go of old concepts which were dormant and stagnant within me, in order to see what was so clearly before my eyes - a deeper sense of Faith in Self.

I share this to draw another metaphorical analogy for you; when we are prepared to let go, in divine faith, we can easily (or at least with some ease) transition between old ideologies and energies, into a new state of consciousness.

These shifts in consciousness are reflective of all that we have known, been, and strived towards. We want so much to "Awaken" and to be Aware, or Enlightened, however we hope these things will appear via our own condition and rules; in a very positive and safe way. But growth will not always be achieved in a vaccuous space of 100% comfort and ease. There will be painful experiences, there will be perceived times of trauma, stress, struggle, and hurt. Clinging to a past notion of what is "good" can just be a way to deny the new, in order to avoid pain.

Pain can be the most beautiful reminder of who you Are.

In your own circular journey, you can choose to be conscious of the cyclic nature of your life, or just flow with it, unawares. There is no right or wrong, you may choose (or not choose) to be as present as you want to be. Being aware of what cycles you have lived and are attempting to manipulate your way through now can be extremely cathartic, leading to new and deeper levels of self-understanding. Letting life flow through you, without analysis can be just as cathartic, as epiphanies are not exclusive to those who are consciously experiencing an Awakening of Self.

No matter what you do, or experience, do so with an open mind and heart, with faith abundant in yourself, and with a knowing that the past is a figment of your imagination, it no longer exists. If it no longer exists, perhaps it no longer serves you to hold on to the images you have of times gone by.

Conscious Integration of Body, Mind & Spirit

We are, as you likely understand, triune beings. We are body, we are mind (consciousness) and we are soul/spirit. There are tinier aspects of self which fall into these categories, such as ego, which some debate is part of the body, and others debate is part of the mind. I believe it is part of the whole. There is the conscious and subconscious self, which again I believe are part of the whole.

I do not think there is one aspect of self which is not part of the ultimate whole of Self. This includes all aspects of self which we may perceive to be "negative". There is nothing "bad" about negative, it is a darker shade of the Light. It is how we interact with the dark sides of life and self, that helps us to remember the Lighter shades of Self.

As we experience our own Ascension and Awakening process, we go through levels of integration. What are we integrating? Energy. Quite literally. It is the frequency, the light encoded intangible presence of chi - life energy. And as we receive and integrate these various levels of energy, we expand. Literally. We are physical body, yes, and it can expand in it's own way as many of us have learned. But we are also spiritual body, and consciousness body; the body of Christ. And those aspects of Self expand too. The body of mind expands in that it increases it's ability to learn, remember, know, and store conscious information and experience. The spirit/soul body expands via essence; it literally grows larger with Light and life energy.

One of the major shifts of Integration I have experienced to date, is a conscious integration of these triune Selves. To sit still, and breathe in and out deeply, receiving the calming love energy which is in all things, and then realize something big is about to happen; there are few things more enjoyable to me. I urge you to connect to yourself this way, in preparation of all of the integrations that come from this point on. Every single level of attunement we experience comes from Self. From Spirit. From God. And each fear we have connected with each attunement of energy is a gift; a blessing disguised as pain. Remember that as you move through this exercise:

Breathing in and out, deeply, in a place of peace and quiet. Connect to your environment, and immediately seek out that Oneness which is life. Feel it move into your conscious fields of body via your crown chakra (the top of your head) and feel that wondrous peace radiate through your entire being. Accept it. Receive it with gratitude, humility, and love. Let it wash through you. And if you feel something begin to happen energetically, let it happen, and have faith.

I do this exercise quite frequently. Several times a day, consciously. And even more times it just happens on it's own, as though my being desires me to drift off into truth, and I find myself there quite unexpectedly. Now, returning back to the powerful activation which I love more than any. It is the integration of body, mind, and spirit. And when it happens it is profound, and brings with it a sense of love so deep for all three aspects.

How many of you actually sit and contemplate your body, and your mind? We can get awfully caught up in spirit, and the allure of Ascension and transcendance. I see many people in spiritual communities extoling the virtues of spirit, and then judging and fearing the ego and the individual self. This in itself is a roadblock, designed to keep us from actualizing the true depth of peace we can feel through acceptance of lower aspects of self. We are all of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. And accepting that, and attuning to the energy of life and love around us, enables us to receive transmissions of Light from the Universe. These transmissions of Light deliver to us the capacity to hold more of the Light itself. And we expand. With each reception of energy, we grow bigger. As these aspects of Self expand in their own way and reaction to the Light, we can become imbalanced. One aspect will overthrow the other two, and usually with those of us trying to consciously experience our Ascension process, it is Spirit which throws body and mind into a funky place numerically. So we operate from Spirit in a way that deprives body and mind. And it is so simple to bring these aspects of Self back into perfect harmony with one another.Receive the energy of Love which is all around you, and ask for an integration.And then get really in touch with your body. And your mind. Individually. See yourself as body, running, lifting, jumping, tasting, touching and smelling. Feel the raw power that courses through your physicality, and feel thankful for being allowed this opportunity to know the physical world in such an intimate way. Try to remember that we don't come from the physical originally, and this is a treat to spirit! Then visualize your mind, your sense of self, knowledge, judgement, everything that comes with your consciousness, and see all of the information it stores. Admire the ability it has to be flexible, and to shift itself to adapt to new knowledge and indeed Light energy.

Love your mind. See all three aspects of yourself as equals. And they shall be.

I wish you the deepest love within yourself, for yourself. For mankind.

For all of Life.