Reflecting: Maiden, Mother & Crone

Tomorrow I go into the hospital to have a hysterectomy after 3 decades of quite horrendous pain, complications, and poly-cystic ovarian disease. A special friend of mine reminded me last week that it is best to cleanse my etheric and physical body in preparation of this surgery, so I'd like to dedicate this blog post to my femininity, in honor of every woman on the planet. I hope you will enjoy my tribute to the wild divine.

Thirty years ago I began to menstruate, and being Christian at the time knew this was my burden to bear, being female; women are the perpetrators of original sin, and our menses was a reminder of our sins. Of course, as I grew up and explored the world, and my own divine within I came to understand that our menses is part of the natural cycles of birth and death in the physical reality of Earth. I also came to understand that menstruation is a blessing of fertility and creation.

At the age of 21 I was diagnosed with PCOD, which attributed to the pain I would get monthly, the dismennoreah, and the tremendous surges of hormone and chemical imbalance. I prepared to live a life childless, as my PCOD was severe enough to render me virtually infertile.

However, at 28 I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little girl, and 11 years later she is my greatest blessing ever.

So here I am, the night before surgery, with so much to be thankful for, and a lifetime to look back and reflect upon as a woman. My "curse" has been quite a struggle these last 30 years, and indeed there have been many times I've been doubled up in pain in the bath crying over the pain, wishing I'd been born male :) But in the end I beat the odds, carried a child full term, and have managed quite well despite the health issues within my ovaries and womb.

As a Pagan, I can't help but also reflect upon the Goddess at this time. On my own personal journey of the Maiden, to the Mother, heading towards being a Crone, I can crack a smile of irony at the ways I have mistreated myself and my body in my life. As a Maiden I made choices which were not wise, and left me dealing with the consequences well into Motherhood. And yet now, as a Mother, I look back in hindsight and value each experience I've had. I have lived with unbelievable migraines since my late teens and know that the hysterectomy won't necessarily diminish them, but I know that this is just part of what makes me "me".

I give thanks to the Goddess energy, both within and without, and I feel the angelic energies surrounding me at this time and feel peaceful. I have felt the energies for the last week, as ethereal friends and family stand around me creating a wall of Love, and I am humbled to know that I am not alone in this, as I've never been alone at any other point in my life.

All of the times I have felt victimized by my body and the pain it endures have helped me to better value health and well being. And I am reminded that no matter what follows this, I will never have to endure another cramp :)

I release any negativity stored within my womb now, to the Universe. I give thanks to my womanly organs; thanks for carrying my beautiful angel child full term, for helping her come into this world perfect and whole. I am thankful for the wonders I have learned at the tribulation of pain and discomfort. And I am humbled to be a woman in every respect.

Mother Goddess, I feel you with me, and I am awed by your love and generosity. May your blessings remain with me well through surgery and into recovery, that I may regain my strength and return to my daily life in due course.

I give this all to the Universe now, with faith that all is well, always, and in all ways. Divine Love ~ I Am.