Tonight's thoughts were rotating around my appointment with the surgeon two days ago. I've finally begun to settle down and accept that my situation isn't going to go away on it's own, and surgery is imminent, so I'm starting to see the bigger picture again; I really had tunnel vision for the last couple of days.
I was so upset when I left the hospital, I kept saying "what an ass!" about the surgeon; his cold calculating and clinical approach just set me off and made me twitch from head to toe. I do not relate well to people like him, as I am oh so very sensitive, emotional, with my heart worn visibly on my sleeve.
I thought to myself "I wish everyone operated from the heart, with compassion and generosity of spirit". And then I caught myself, and I laughed. And I'm still kind of giggling...
I imagined for a split second the world full of people like me. Are you giggling too yet? Picture it; a world full of idealistic overly sensitive empaths who have to identify every aspect of the psyche to understand the world better. Could you see how life would skid to a rapid halt?
I guess the world needs analytical type A personalities; we need people who think before they feel, who can keep their cool, who look at things like a scientific equation rather than a rose colored ideal.
I imagined myself seeing a surgeon who is just like me, and I realized I would love to talk to him or her, and would enjoy discussing my spinal disease and the prognosis, however... I have to admit (with a grin on my lips) that I don't think I'd want that particular surgeon performing my surgery. Why? Quite simply: I would rather have someone who has grace under fire, who can roll with the punches, who is calm and cool headed, and these are not my strong traits.
If the world were full of idealistic dreamy Piscean Spiritualists it would be a completely different place. Our society couldn't survive as we know it in that situation. Perhaps if the world were full of dreamy idealists the world would be a more peaceful place, but in regards to the world we do live in, we need people of all varieties and character.
So I'm grateful for people who don't operate under my personal parameters. I'm grateful I live in a world where people are not the same, because not everyone is cut out to do the things others do. I could not cut people open and perform surgeries. I could not work nurses hours, and endure the abuses they can. I could not be a politician, or a truck driver (I get vertigo when driving above 80 kilometers per hour or more). There are many things I could not do; the world would grind to a halt if we were all like me.
So I'll be satisfied to be the only me there is, and try to keep a more open mind about people who are different than me. When I see the surgeon next, perhaps I'll be more patient and accommodating of his own quirky arrogance, and accept that he is who he is for a reason, and while I do not particularly like him as a person, it is the traits I dislike in him personally which give me faith in him surgically.
In an ideal world, we'd all be of one thought, one goal, one dream. But we live in the real physical world right now, maybe the ideal thing to do is accept it, and everyone in it. I for one feel better for realizing how I myself was judging people who have a tougher exterior than myself.
Excellent and well put blog.
ReplyDelete