Judgment: The Double Edged Sword

I feel compelled to talk a bit about judgment, and how harmful it is both to the person doing the judging, and the person feeling or being judged.

I've had experience with both spectrum's of judgment, as in my youth I tended towards making my mind up about a person based on externals, like how they looked, or what they did for a living. As I grew up I realized there was far more to a person than what is on the outside. And yet it seems to me that much of our world is so fixated on shallow surface level b.s. And it hurts me. I literally ache for those who are judged, and for the small minds which can't see beyond their narrow scope to see the inner beauty and truth of another.

I know a woman who is just so incredibly negative; everything that comes out of her mouth is a curse word, a negative connotation, a barb, an insult, or a complaint. I rarely hear her say anything positive or uplifting, and to boot she tells lies about her life on a virtual minute-to-minute basis; stupid small lies. I look at this woman and I wonder what it is about her life and herself that makes her so incredibly insecure? Because someone who is secure within themselves isn't going to waste their time by cutting other people down, or building themselves up with ridiculous white lies. And yet, there she goes, every time I am around her, just putting up a wall of putrid judgment, and I can't help but wonder does she honestly believe she is so high and mighty and everyone else around her is stupid or lowly? If she could see herself through my eyes I wonder if it would be enough for her to have a reality check, because what I see is a young girl who needed way more hugs and support and acceptance, who grew into a jaded angry small-minded and bigoted adult.

That form of judgmentality seems to stem directly from insecurity, and it's pretty easy to spot, it doesn't take a mind reader or empath to recognize when someone is puffing up externally in order to hide a weak inner wounded child.

What about judgment that stems from sheer ignorance? Our world is pretty much designed to program the masses into judgment. Programming on tv, advertisements in magazines, on billboards, even the music on the radio is all aimed at building a monument to beauty and pitying ugliness. I'm just so very tired of it. I have a young pre-teen impressionable daughter, and it horrifies me to know that every day I send her off into a society that expects her to conform to the masses ideal of acceptable. So I work hard at keeping her silly, off the wall, and out of the box as best I can. But in the end she will go through what we all went through in our own childhood experiences, and she will judge people for how they look, or where they live, or what they drive, or how they talk. And I hope she'll grow out of it fast enough to realize the folly in such exclusive behavior.

Do we stop for a moment, and really look at a person, into their eyes, past the surface level, and remember that these are living breathing human beings with histories and stories of their own... When do we stop expecting people to be cookie-cutter similar to us, and accept that our diversity is a beautiful thing?

I face judgment frequently, and am used to it, but to be honest it still guts me when I'm faced with it. To look at me from the outside you may see an overweight woman who wears ratty jeans and t-shirts, who gave up on doing anything "stylish" with her hair years ago. You may see a tree-hugger who wears crystals and sometimes looks up to the sky and closes her eyes and smiles to herself, and you may think "what a flake". You may see a scowl on my face, when in fact what you can't see is the pain I live with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As I get into my used vehicle and you see the Handicap parking permit upon the dashboard you may think "oh my, she's so fat she needs to park in Handicap spaces?" and you may completely misjudge me. If only you knew my full story, perhaps you'd change your notions about me. Maybe you'd realize I have lived a full and very colorful life, having traveled, explored various religious and spiritual belief systems, and maybe you'd be shocked to know that my weight isn't the cause of my handicap, but rather a symptom. If you saw the scar that runs from my neck to just above my buttocks, maybe you'd probe further and learn about my spinal disease, or the four other conditions I've developed relative to my spine in conjunction with the first operation I had in 1988.

If you saw me walking with my cane, my head stooped over, as I was having a bad pain day and was having a hard time keeping the pain from my face, would you think "that woman is in pain" or "what a nasty fat lady".

I urge you to be really honest with yourself when you ask yourself that question, because believe me, we're all prone to impulsive negative judgment calls about people, on a fairly regular basis. And it's hurtful. It's detrimental to your own ability to grow in spirituality and self-awareness, and it is hurtful to those you are judging.

Just because I have spinal disease which severely limits my mobility, does not mean my house is a mess, or my child is not well cared for. In fact I have a very happy family life, and my home may not sparkle as it once did but it is clean, and kept. My spinal diseases do not keep me from working, much to the chagrin of my doctor and back surgeon, however it does cause me to have problems with my neck, my hips, my arms and legs, and I do miss a fair bit of time from work. To someone who doesn't know me well, like the negative lady I mentioned early in this blog entry, I may come across as lazy, or allergic to work. What you may not realize is there are days where I can quite literally not get out of bed, as my back seizes, and my muscles scream in spasm.

And I'll be honest, I am hurt by your judgment. I am a very sensitive woman, and when someone scowls at me when I'm limping with my cane, or I stoop over my shopping cart to let my back have a break, it hurts me deeply.

Next time you find yourself having some random negative thought about someone else, stop yourself, give yourself a good talking to, and then try to replace the negative thought with something kind, genuine, and generous of spirit.

None of us have had perfect lives. None of us have led charmed realities, we've all had hardship, have lost loved ones, have battled health issues, have fallen on hard times financially. We talk about ending the war in Iraq, and creating peace in the middle east. We visibly balk when we hear about highschool bullying, and it sickens us in our communities when we hear that someone has taken their own life due to feeling alone. And yet we don't stop the negative thinking. And so long as we're busy thinking nasty thoughts about others, and feeling superior to those we judge, nothing on this planet will change.

So stop judging, and replace those negative mind-patterns with positive loving vibratory blessings. You'll catch yourself thinking nasty negative thoughts about people or situations several times a day, it's normal, it's hard wired into you because that is just the way our society is. So when you catch it, don't add to it by judging yourself for it - just simply correct it.

Retrain your brain.

And next time you see an overweight woman using a cane, limping and looking miserable, send her a silent blessing for improved health. Next time you encounter someone who dresses differently, or smells badly, or talks differently, or falls into the category of "different" than you and what you currently find acceptable, send them silent blessings for love, peace, and prosperity.

Keep doing this until it is no longer a habit, or a goal, but rather just as natural as breathing.

If we can all take our energy and direct it towards loving others, rather than judging others, then we'll be ready to move towards peace as a global family. Until then we're just acting like a bunch of overgrown school children, pointing fingers at the weaker child on the playground, laughing at someone who we just don't even know, on any level. As grown ups we should be able to say no to gossip, to clique mentality bitch sessions. I know it's easy enough to fall into a pattern of judging others with friends, or peers, and yet it we could remember to walk a mile in the shoes of the one we judge... So make it your mandate to walk a mile, and tend to your own life.

Thank you for hearing me out, I really needed this off my chest and conscience. Judgment takes a heavy toll on every one of us. I promise to do my part, I hope you will too.