Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Making Every Day Valentine's Day!

Valentine's day is just a few days away, and has me thinking of love. While I tend to look at Valentine's day as more of a corporate creation to encourage people to spend money on cards, flowers, candy etc, I sure do think it's great that we have dedicated an entire day globally to love.

Maybe love is fantastic enough to warrant more than one day though?

When you love someone in the beginning, it's all butterflies and anticipation, remember how it feels to be falling into love with someone for the first time? You find yourself drift off to think of them mid-day, and your face heats up with blood as you blush remembering how it feels to be with them. The first kiss sends your heart sky-rocketing, and you fly on the chemicals your body produces when it's falling in love.

When you share your life with that love for a few years, the passion can wane, as responsibilities take the fore-front. Soon you're passing each other in the hall, hurridly saying "i love you too" before hanging up the phone to deal with your next daily errand or task. In the beginning our minds are almost always with our new love, and yet after a few years of shared life we can begin to take one another for granted.

It's human, every couple I've known who has been together for more than a few years tends to fall into the same category, and after a decade or so you find yourself trying to remember just when was the last time you both engaged in spontaneous love making without planning ahead to have a sitter, and a night out. Like two ships that pass in the night, often times long-time committed relationships can start to feel like room-mate relationships more often than not.

My husband and I will celebrate our 8th year wedding anniversary in May, and have been together nearly 13 years now. We have been through some astounding ups, and extremely trying downs together. He is honestly the best friend I could possibly ask for, and while we've gone through rough patches, there is no one else on Earth I would ever want to share my body, mind, and spirit with. But after all these years we can fall into the same rut so many of you do, we have a child, responsibilities, bills, commitments, it's not often either of us put our relationship first. And that's just a little sad, don't you think? I know we're not unique, most of my peers are in the same boat. No matter if you're in a traditional relationship or not, when two people share their lives for any number of years, the bloom can fall off the rose before you even know it, and eventually you find yourselves mastering everything from carpooling, to financial planning, cooking, cleaning, and raising kids, but there is one way you just can't seem to click together anymore: romance.

Love is the most fantastic thing there IS - in all the universe. Nothing tops love, whether it be the love you feel for your child, or the love your pets show you, or the love you share with your friends; love pretty much rules existence! But the love you have shared with your life partner, your husband or wife, or girlfriend or boyfriend, it's just even more amazing, because it's intimate, and it's time-tested. This is the one person in the world who has seen you at your absolute worst, and still shows up every day!

My husband has seen me cry so hard my nose runs, has heard me laugh so violently I farted! He has seen me gain and lose weight like a yoyo, and has endured my seemingly non-ending self-consciousness about it, yet he has never once made me feel I wasn't beautiful to him. He has let me sleep and cared for our daughter when I was exhausted, and vice versa. Who else on Earth could watch you eat an entire bag of chips, or bawl watching a tv program, or rant and rave after having an argument with a parent, and still love you unconditionally?

Try to make time for your significant other this weekend, and then, ever day after that. My husband and I came close to calling it quits a couple of years ago; we'd been through a storm so rough it's hard to describe. We made it through it though, and now the love is even deeper, the friendship even more poignant, the relationship even more nourishing. And we make an effort to put each others needs first. This has made so much difference in our home, and in our lives. So I dedicate this post to my husband Eric, and to your partner as well, because whether we realize it or not, these people are important aspects of our spiritual journeys as well.

My husband is an agnostic, and though much of what I do fascinates him, and he can't quite explain how his wife knows what she knows, he has his own beliefs, and we allow each other the room to be who we each are in relation to the Universe, God, and personal beliefs. He has stood by me during my dark nights of the soul, and stands by me cheering when I reach new revelations, and experience moments of spiritual epiphany. He provides me with a mirror by which to observe my own behavior, negative or positive, and for this I love him so deeply. He has accepted me on every level, and this has given me the freedom to truly be who I am in every moment, without reservation or doubt.

I remember the first time I tried to get him to meditate with me, and as we sat under the full moon in our back yard, I fell deeper in love with him because it was so clear he was doing it just to make me happy. Spirituality isn't his objective in this life, and I honor that, just as he honors it is what drives me. Think about how your partner has supported your spiritual journey. If you have found someone who inspires you to be your best you, know that this is worth it's weight in gold. Being with someone who allows you to be yourself is such a liberating experience to have.

So honor your loved ones, all of them, and yet take a moment to reflect on your special sweetie, and take a mental walk down memory lane now. Remember the first time you laid eyes on them, your first date, your first kiss. Remember all of your firsts between way back then, and now, and then get off your computer, or tablet, or phone, and go give them a kiss. And if they aren't in the vicinity, send them an email or a text message, out of the blue, expressing just how special they are to you.

And then do this again tomorrow, and the next day. And make Valentine's day an every day affair, that doesn't require jewelry or gifts, or fancy restaurants or trips. Because we don't have to spend money to express our love and gratitude to our spouses and partners. In fact, some of the most profound gifts my guy has given me have been gifts of words, understanding, eye contact, and other unspoken, unplanned things. When I wake up and there is magically a coffee ready for me to drink, or the car has been cleaned of snow before I go out, or inexplicably laundry ends up clean in my room... this is so much more meaningful to me than any greeting card could ever be.

Happy Valentines week to you all, now do yourself a favor, log off the interworld, and go pounce on your special one and enjoy some magic. And if the kids interrupt two minutes later, that's okay, go tend to them, knowing you get to live every day of your life with your best friend, you're most important person, your souls companion. And that's pretty blessed.

And if this Valentines day you're stag and still haven't met that special one, don't give up hope, and yet don't focus all your energy into wanting a relationship. Because when you improve your relationship with yourself, through self-awareness, meditation, and consciously attempting to know yourself and better your self in every way, the Universe invariably sends you exactly what you put forth. I believe we have more than one special one in each life, and your next one could be waiting for you. So put yourself out there, go out, be available, and let the Universe know you're ready to share your life with another! And if you're not, that's fantastic too - love yourself. Love yourself because you are wonderful, in every single way!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a man to go hug and kiss.

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