Quantum Light Healing

When I give a Tarot reading I always end it with a "shot of Quantum Light Healing", and clients are informed that they will receive this cleansing Light modality the night they receive their reading. Today I received an email message from a Tarot client of mine named Sherry; in it she asked:

"What is quantum light healing?  I'm a reiki master; is it similar to that?"

Let me first start out by saying that I am not the "founder" of Quantum Light Healing, there are many people who use similar healing modalities, however I did not model my healing after anyone else's. Quantum Light came to me about 8 years ago through extensive meditation and introspection; communion with Spirit. Some may call it channeling, however I dislike that term; I really prefer to simplify it by saying I followed my intuition to discover a mode of healing we can all access, easily, readily, and innately as human beings. 

What Is Quantum Light? 

Let's first start by understanding the word quantum. The dictionary defines a quantum as:

quan·tum  

/ˈkwäntəm/

                  noun

                 1.     quantity or amount: the least quantum of evidence.

                 2.     a particular amount.

                 3.     a share or portion.

                 4.     a large quantity; bulk.

  

We all know what Light is, but let's refine our understanding, because it isn't just light that is used in healing, it is a Universal aspect of a portion of Light. Not all Light is "healing" - some light is simply illuminating, some of photonic, some is reflective and refractive. The Light used to heal is Photon Light - a quantum (or particular amount) of energetic, nuclear Light - it is alive, active, and reactive. 

So by all intents and purposes, Quantum Light is simply photons which are virtually all over the Universe. 

Modern medicine uses this principal to a small degree when treating cancer cells with radiation - which photons are comprised of. However the radiation used in cancer treatment is destructive, used to kill cancerous cells, rather than heal. So in essence the Quantum Light used by modern medicine to treat cancer is malevolent and used with an intention to destroy.

The Quantum Light I and many others use is the same basic particulate Light, it is made of the same stuff, it is radiated, it is charged and photonic, however the intention with which it is directed is different, and intention is what guides any healing on a cellular level.  

How I Discovered Photon Light Healing 

I don't believe in accidents, or coincidence, and know on a higher plane of awareness that Photon Light Healing is a tool we can all access, however it came to me in a slow unwinding process of self discovery, through years of meditation and reflection. I had expressed an interest in healing modalities about 12 years ago, and looked into Reiki primarily, but after studying level 1 I discovered this was not exactly what I was looking for. My hands knew what they wanted to do, as did my heart, but I had to get my brain to wrap around it in order to begin to really know how to use it. I had been using it my whole life, as do many, unwittingly, but once I began to really firmly grasp what it was I was working with, the name Quantum Light Healing just fit - and so I began to call it that. I didn't coin the phrase and don't wish to make it sound like I discovered anything; I didn't. I simply tapped into an energy healing model and gave it a name which resonated within my intuitive knowing.

How Does It Work?   

It's so simple, and as easy as using your imagination really. If you have worked with your Chakras, and are aware of how to open your third eye and crown up, to connect to a Higher state of consciousness Universally, then you are ready to start weaving Quantum Light Particles. Our Universe is comprised of Light and Dark energy and matter. The Light energy is infinite as far as I know, it is self replicating, and while I am not a physicist it seems to defy the laws of physics by expanding on itself, collapsing, and acting much like the waves on the ocean; it ebbs and flows and is seemingly unending. It is the light stars and suns emit, very radioactive and no doubt incredibly dangerous to the physical body in close contact. And yet when working Quantum Light you are not using it tangibly; you are using it energetically. That is to say, you don't scoop up a handful of photons to apply to the body; you use the radio waves and pulses of the nuclear energy to affect the cells of the body. And this is done via attraction, telepathy, intention, or whatever you want to label it as. 

It may sound bizarre or far fetched, but once you understand how Quantum Light works you understand that it's no different than how the lungs function. We inhale and exhale without thinking about it, and our body lives. If we stop inhaling we stop oxygenating our blood and the physical body stops functioning. But we don't have to think about it, the body simply knows it needs oxygen and the brain regulates breathing in order to provide appropriate amounts of inhaled air. Quantum Light is similar, in that once you recognize it as an intrinsic part of the Universe and our own energy as part of the Universe itself, all you need to do is direct it.  

When you want to pick up a cup on the table in front of you, you reach over and pick up the cup. Right?

When you want to use Quantum Light, you call it to you vibrationally, and then "tell" it what to do. It's as simple as that. 

Well, it's as simple as that if you're able to modify your vibration, and frequency. There is a great deal of self aware body modulating that goes into working QL.

Is It Like Reiki?  

Yes and no. It is like Reiki in that it is pure Universal Light energy being used in a loving manner to direct a healing in the physical or emotional or spiritual body. But it is different than Reiki in that it is not a discipline, and not directed by symbols or manifestations of levels of mastery. It simply IS. And one doesn't need a certificate or fancy title to wield it. All one needs to do is work towards an awakening of self-awareness and spiritual cohesion of the physical and emotional. 

Sound easy? That's up to you. Everyones awakening process varies. Mine has been four decades in the shaping and some days I feel as though I am still utterly ensconced in the sleep of ignorant complacence. 

So What Can It Do?   

That is up to you - the individual. My own understanding of QLH has changed over the last few years, as I've begun to understand I do some of my most powerful healing while my body and mind sleep - it is done in Spirit, through dream weaving, and astral projection. Where I used to spend great amounts of time trying to mold and wield the Light intentionally and visually, now I understand that all I need to do is set the intent, and then visualize, and then sleep. My Spirit always follows what I have laid forth. It is as though I draw a blueprint with my mind, and see it in my third eye, by traveling through the healing in advance and setting my desires for what I'd like to achieve, and then when I sleep my Spirit makes it so.

I also use it while awake though, often through the day, sometimes wittingly, sometimes just instinctively. I see that I am Quantum Light, therefore using it as an extension of my own body and mind and spirit, and breath, is no big challenge. 

But You Have So Many Health Problems? 

This is a valid and real point that I want to address. I have spinal diseases which have limited my mobility and cause me a significant amount of daily pain and disability. I also  have CFS/Fibromyalgia and a few other health issues. Most healers will agree that healing the self is a different commodity than healing another. It is like a mother who spends all her time and money and energy caring for her kids, clothing them well, making sure they have everything they require and desire, and at the end of the day she is wearing second hand clothing quite happily, not really caring that shes out of style and not quite vogue. A mother knows instinctively how to care for her children, putting herself first can be a challenge. And I've come to understand that people with deep empathy find it easier to connect to Quantum Light as they are just more open and 'out there' or accessible emotionally, which also can make them more prone to illness themselves. When you're an open receptacle for other peoples feelings, you're bound to take on issues that don't 'belong' to you. And this leads to illness.

Physician heal thyself - words of wisdom, easier said than done. 

And why would I spend my time directing Universal Light at myself? Feels greedy. I fill my own cup, I'm happy and at peace, and my body may be crippled but my heart is so full of love and compassion I do not feel I am at a deficit really. I would much prefer to direct that QLH outwards, as it seems to be what my Soul is driven to do.

So that is Quantum Light Healing in a nut shell. If you meditate on the concept of Light, what it IS, your body, how it is comprised of that Light, and then how all life is also comprised of varying rays of that light, you will perhaps begin to feel your hands tingle with it. It may make itself known through a pressure on your third eye, or a slight 'whoosh' in your inner ears. And if that is the case for you - send it outwards and see where it goes. Like a pebble in a pond, the ripples are exponential and go in all directions. 

May the Light bless your awareness. Love Always,

Precious Stones & Crystals

I remember my first big quartz crystal; it was the size of my fist, raw and unpolished, and heavy and cool to the touch. It was a gift from a friend of mine who owned a Spiritual store outside of Calgary, for helping him out in his shop. The stone was pretty and so vibrant. And I worked with it all the time; it went everywhere with me, in my pocket or purse, or on the dash of my car. It gave off such an aura of power, and when I used it to dowse (divine) it always provided me with amazingly accurate information.

I began to collect crystals and gemstones after that, amassing a collection of precious rocks from all over the world. Through the years I have given most of my stones away, as they let me know in their own special way that their work with me is finished, and it's time for them to move on to help another. It's been years since I last held the giant quartz in the palm of my hand, and I often wonder where it's ended up. Each stone I've given away has been given with the gentle instruction to also pay it forward when it's work was done with whoever got it from me.

In the last 25 years or so I've had hundreds of stones, always gravitating towards rocks that spoke to me vibrationally, tingled in my hand, and shared visions with me via my third eye. I have a deep love of Gaia's rock beings; they are very much alive. While they may appear to be nothing more than inanimate objects to some, to those with eyes to see and feel, they are living extensions of this planet and each has a history, personality, and skill set.

Some stones are very healing, and you can tell immediately by the gentle pulsating energy it exudes. I love to work with Rose Quartz for healing, as well as Aqua Aura Quartz, and Lemurian Seed crystals. Bloodstone, snowflake obsidian, and tigers eye are also lovely healing stones and I so love laying them about my body and just feeling the power pulse through me.

I remember the first time I laid stones upon a friend, going back a good 23 years ago, he was a cynic, and atheist, but he indulged his quirky friend Dee in her desire to work the stones around his body. He laid down on my floor and I began to set various stones about him, and upon his chakras. And when the dam burst and he began to shed gentle tears, I was so completely humbled by the power of these beautiful rocks and gems.

A dear friend of mine Robin sent me a Boji stone a few months ago which may be one of the most powerful stones I've ever worked with. I've been using Moldavite for years, thinking it was the most profound of all my transformative and visionary stones, but the Boji stone blew my mind.

When I bring a new stone home I set it on my brow chakra and let it show me "who" it is, and all it's seen in it's lifetime. Usually I get nice soft visions and feelings of love, celestial images and fantastic vibrations of peace and healing. The Boji was so intense, I had to bring myself to a heightened state of meditative awareness and breathing just to attune to its powerful vibration. It sank into my brow, heavy and solid, and opened my third eye up completely and showed me who it was...

Boji told me it's name was "Ki" - or rather that it vibrated under the resonance of "Ki", and then it showed me the history of it's awareness on Earth. It showed me a land before continental drift, when the massive continent of Pangaea was one - and the Earth had only cooled in the last few hundred thousand years. It showed me volcanos and jungles and gigantic birdlike creatures in the skies. It showed me animals on the Earth that no longer exist and then it showed me the people - shorter than us, darker than native Americans, lighter than Africans. They reassembled the Mayans yet were wilder, in animal pelts, living off the land, in caves, in clans. Ki showed me how ancient these people were, that by now their bones would be dust in the bottom of oceans - silt.

The wonders this stone has shared with me have been amazing, and I share this blog entry with you to hopefully ignite a love of rocks within you as well. There is so much more to crystals and rocks and minerals than meets the eye - they are alive and vibrant and have feelings. And they are so wise.

When selecting a rock or crystal, trust your intuition and your hands. Your hands will always guide you to the stone which is calling you. Trust in this process. And when a stone lets you know it's time to pass it along, do so joyfully, because they are not ours to keep - they are friends who come visit, work their healing, share their knowledge, and then move on to the next person in need of their gifts.

Work with your stones and crystals - place them upon  your chakra points, and ask them to heal and cleanse your energy centers and wheels of light. And be receptive to whatever visions or senses are awakened within you when you work with them.

Remember; they are older than any of our historical knowledge - they hold the key to our history, which is truly the key to our future. Revere them, respect them, cleanse them gently in moonlight or sunlight - or in salt. And love them like you would a dear friend.

Here is a list of some of the qualities of various stones:

(borrowed from Soular Energy )

Amazonite

A stone of healing which aligns the physical body & energy field, thus producing a balancing, preventive & rejuvenating energy. Eliminates aggravation by dispelling irritating & negative energy. Assists with relationships by enhancing communication concerning love.

Amethyst

A "stone of change, protection & enlightenment". Enhances spiritual awareness, meditation, visualization, serenity & composure. Attracts good luck & love, calms & transforms. Shifts energies to the higher frequencies of both the spiritual & ethereal levels.

Aventurine

A powerful general healer, it brings balance to the intellect, emotions & physical being. Quells anxiety, helps in making the right decisions & shields energy drain from outside sources.

Blue Lace Agate

Awakens perceptiveness & awareness, clears the mind and enhances spiritual inspiration. Calms, soothes and uplifts thoughts. Eliminates negativity and anger.

Blue Topaz

Assists one in attaining clarity to successfully communicate & manifest desires. Lifts burdens & helps one to see the great overall scheme of life, the "big picture". Attracts abundance & love; relieves tension. 

Carnelian

Stimulates the energy of love & joy. Clears negative energy, allowing light to enter & transformation to occur. Has a stabilizing effect on energy in the home. Awakens inner talents & creativity.

Chrysocolla

Supports balance & harmony, relationships & self-improvement. Eases emotions bringing renewed strength & balance in love, communication & healing. Helps one to connect with Earth energies, promoting harmony, vitality & endurance during stressful situations. Supports mediation, visualization & reflective insights.

Citrine

Balances & energizes, dissipates negative energy. Enhances personal power, emotional awareness, creativity & optimism. Stimulates abundance by assisting one to acquire wealth & to maintain a state of wealth.

Coral

Facilitates intuition, imagination, and visualization & strengthens understanding of mysticism. Alleviates depression, quiets the emotions and brings peace. Strengthens the connection to the harmonious energies of the universe.

Fluorite

Known as a "stone of discernment". Helps to find truth that has been concealed. Eases change and brings strength and protection during transition. Stabilizes energy and helps to bring order to chaos. Supports relationships - individuals & groups - to flourish towards the greatest good.

Fossil

Supports growth & the achievement of goals by releasing limiting beliefs & old programming, encouraging openness to novel & innovative opportunities, which are available. An excellent stone for use in business to increase business accomplishments and to imbue quality & distinction within one's environment.

Garnet

Energizes, revitalizes and balances energy. Inspires love and devotion. Enhances sexuality and as a "stone of health" clears negative energy & enhances personal power for success.

Gold Stone (Gold or Blue)

A manmade stone rich in copper. Activates root and sacral chakras enhancing the energies of intuition, sexuality, desire and vitality. Encourages faith that love is attainable once all limiting beliefs are released. Acts as a mood stabilizer on either spectrum-excitability or passivity.

Hematite

A "stone of mental mastery". Enhances memory, concentration & focus. Deflects negativity. Stimulates the desire for peace and inner happiness, enhancing one's ability to attract love.

Howlite

A "tranquility stone". Calms communication, enhances emotional expression & eliminates stress, rage and rudeness. Assists with the attainment of goals by encouraging ambition and eliminating hesitation.

Jade (Nephrite)

Connected with love & virtue, called the "fidelity stone" - balances energies between self/partner & opposing energies in both the internal & external domain of one's reality. Promotes peace & harmony, soothes energy. Assists in finding wisdom for problem solving.

Jadeite (Lavender, White, Yellow)

Stone of "Magic" brings protection from the spiritual realm. Encourages group cohesiveness, understanding & actualization of purpose. Assists in grounding & accessing limitless resources of the universe.

Jasper

Known as the "Supreme Nurturer", Jasper reminds us why we are here - to assist others to free themselves from limiting bonds & bring joy & light into the world. Helps to balance & unite the energy of the physical with the spiritual toward the attainment of goals. Can be used when one's energy is "low" and to provide protection against negativity.

Fancy Jasper

Fancy Jasper is a stone of gentleness and relaxation. Each piece brings about tranquility and enhances ones ability to relax. Fancy Jasper aids serenity and helps eliminate stress, worry and depression. With this inward relaxation, the wearer has the chance to free their mind and think clearly.

Picture Jasper

A stone of proportion & harmony, wear any time protection from negativity is desired. A stone of “Global Awareness”, it stimulates creative visualization. It promotes spiritual affinity between humanity & nature. It can be used to further both the development and continuance of business pursuits.

Red Jasper

Helps to rectify unfair situations, helps one to remember previous leanings & to take responsibility for ones life. A stone to help you connect with earth energies, it facilitates the remembering of dreams especially those aspects important to one’s life. 

Labradorite

Protects the Aura and facilitates understanding of ones chosen destiny. Helps to keep the Aura clear, balanced, protected & free from energy leaks. Facilitates the understanding of ones chosen destiny & enhances the connection between physical, ethereal & planetary realms. Supports originality & uniqueness.

Lapis Lazuli

A "stone of protection and enlightenment". Assists with spiritual growth, intuitive perception and objectivity. Mentally calming, supports clarity & helps one to organize day to day activities. Enhances serenity, acceptance and dreams.

Malachite

A "stone of transformation". Assists in coping with setbacks, challenges & changing situations. Aids in releasing negative emotional experiences. Helps to intuit answers, to create an unobstructed path & to identify the steps needed to attain desired result. Brings loyalty in love, friendships and partnerships.

Moonstone

A “stone of changes & wishes”. Helps to clear obstacles on the path of destiny. Supports well-being & enhances awareness of body rhythms allowing for a better balance of the body's natural energy.

Peridot

A "stone of rebirth & renewal". Promotes peace & happiness; attracts success & good luck. Protects against negativity & nightmares. Healing to damaged relationships. Attracts comfort & builds vitality.

Quartz

Quartz empowers & protects by amplifying & focusing energy. Stores, releases and regulates energy; Facilitates growth and awareness, alleviates anger & opens the spirit for meditation and spiritual development.

Rose Quartz

Known as the "Stone of Love". Rose Quartz soothes, comforts & reassures, bringing about deep inner healing. Gently removes negativity & attracts the energy of love bringing peacefulness & calm to relationships.

Rhodonite

Has been called "the stone of love". This love embodies care for humanity and spiritual well-being. Brings order to chaos. Supportive emotionally, balances and eases anxiety through clear vision.

Sodalite

Unites logic and intuition, enhances mediation & inner wisdom. Excellent stone for group work - mentally calming, it eliminates confusion and supports increased efficiency & organization. Helps to define clarity of purpose & direction, & to resolve issues with logic.

Tiger's Eye

Helps to gain insight, to concentrate, to perceive & think more clearly, and to organize scattered details. Calms turmoil, eliminates the "blues" & encourages optimism & enthusiasm for life. Stimulates wealth & enhances the ability to maintain wealth.

Tree Agate

Has a cleansing, balancing & stabilizing effect to wellbeing. Enhances self-esteem, clarity, perceptiveness & awakens inner talents & abilities. Helps to see the world through a broader point of view. It fosters abundance, wealth, Love & connection with nature.

Turquoise

An "anti-negativity stone" & general healer. Dispels negative energy & protects. Encourages self-realization and creative problem solving. Strengthens the body and energy field. Heals the spirit; soothes and brings peace of mind. Attracts love.

Unakite

Helps to bring attention into the 'present'. Provides gentle release of limiting blocks & conditions to personal growth. Balances emotions and strengthens spiritual connection.

Zoisite

Supports individuality, creativity and uniqueness while maintaining connectedness with humanity. It is considered an excellent healer and energizer of the life force. Can be used to dispel laziness and idleness and is thought to improve health after long periods of illness or stress. Helps amplify the whole energy field of a person, to release inner talents of the mind.

Whatever your experiences are with stones - enter with a joyful grateful heart, and explore!

With Great Love,

Energetic Frequency: Ebb & Flow

I'm having the epiphany I have so been yearning for. Right now, as I type, I am on a range and frequency I have not achieved in over two years. I breathed so deeply inwards and felt the tension in my body. It was so heavy and unyielding; it is literally like a weight that has been lifted from my physical body.

And I remember.

The smile that I'm sure is on my face makes this warmth run through my body;  being connected again feels right. It feels like "home". And it's exhilarating because now I know, for sure, and without a doubt, that everything I felt previous to my period of "darkness" was true. It wasn't imagined. I wasn't having some pineal chemical effect from oxygenating my blood through intensive breathing and meditation; I have indeed been in tune with the light of the life force on this Planet - the Grid of Light - Gaia. And All. I cannot call it god; those entities are not the eternal force I'm remembering and reliving. It is All.

Everything is okay. I get that now. I feel it, and the smile widens as tears roll warmly down my cheeks. I have been so disconnected in the last few years, and that's okay. Everything is alright, no matter what I choose, no matter what road I go down. I'm really never truly alone, and now I remember that.

I want to share something with you, as my friends, and followers, and fellow beings of life and light; everything is really always alright. It's all frequency; all of our life essence and truth and energy are frequency; levels and layers of whirring pulsating energetic tone and hue. And in the human body we have the ability through free will to play with that frequency, because that's alright too. All the time.

When our frequency is slowed down it is "lazier" for lack of a better term. I guess it really equates to the theory of relativity by Einstein ( a brilliant man ) because in the simplest terms our energy level is determined by our input towards it. It's like water in a pot on the stove, it only boils when you apply energy in the form of heat. You take that water and put it in the freezer and the molecules will slow down and eventually the water becomes a solid in ice form.

Our physical body is like that water; if you apply a little heat, energy - stimulate it vigorously, it gets active and dances all over itself in an explosion of bubbles. If you then put it into a scene where it's slowed down rapidly and forcefully it just stops moving, freezes in place.

For a couple  of years I've been frozen water; stuck in one place, riveted to the spot by my very structure and being. My entire body has been stuck, literally and figuratively. And that lack of energy or vibration has slowed my frequency; I have become the very rut I felt I was stuck in.

And in the last week something has been slowly flowering within my conscious mind and psyche; and I've been having impulses I haven't had in ages, and my thoughts have deepened, and I even grabbed my tarot off off the dusty shelf  and started to really feel a truth inside my gut again.

And this morning I woke up knowing things are different now, again. We have moments in life which are pivotal forks, and sometimes the fork is confusing and we don't know which way to go. Not this time; my fork is clearly marked with a giant arrow, and some unforeseen but extremely felt force is urging me gently down the particular road I'm verging on to.

A true Awakening isn't a thing to achieve; it's not the sudden realization of the meaning of life. It's equivalent to life itself in that there are stages to it, levels, layers, and things we must experience, and things we must endure; if there were no subtext, why awaken at all?

What are we Awakening from? Simply a long sleep of the frequency. We slow it down in childhood as we start to identify ourselves individually and lose some of our innocence. It's natural human processing which is as valid and primal as life itself.

It's a literal veil that comes down over us, a filmy layer of blurred haze which befalls our true eyes, not the eyes which see for the body; but eyes which feel for the wholeness of Self. The inner or 3rd eye, the intuitive and instinctive part of ourselves. We all have this; it's another part of our biology; it allows us to raise our vibration to achieve our fullest frequency.

Well, I'm not sure this is the fullest frequency, or that we can achieve it in physical bodies, maybe it's too powerful in it's fullest form for our molecules to hold on to without exploding - too much friction and movement and the water may leap out of the pot in hot steamy bubbles.

Everything is okay, always.

I have so much fear within my molecules. Fear is like iron filings being pulled towards the magnet of our musculature. To feel fear settle on oneself is depressing, it falls on you like a wet blanket that weighs you down, as you feel your calves tighten and your arms tense up. It falls onto your chest and constricts true freedom of breathing.

To feel fear move away from you as you realize it's only being held in place by your thoughts; well there is nothing so liberating. It's so liberating. To sit here, and let it slip off of me, as I realize there is nothing in my life which requires all that worrying, it's just so peaceful and free to feel this way again. I ask myself "why do I spend so much time with worry and fear?" and the answer is "i just forgot I didn't have to."

Awakening is cyclic. And when you reach a new "level" (if that's even the term) is to realize that you know less than you did the previous level, and then to laugh out loud and smile knowing that the less you know, the fuller you are.

It's simple. It's all so very simple. Science quantifies it all and categorizes and analyse it and helps life and biology make sense to the pragmatic brain. And yet feeling it is a simple exhalation and release of clenched muscles. A deep breath in to stimulate the overall body; and then a conscious choice to stay relaxed and unclenched.

After that you can pretty much do what you want to do :)

And that being said and done, I'm going to just enjoy this now. I don't know if I can achieve this frequency all the time, or periodically, because my biology and personality/ego are used to the structure and schedule of fear and worry and anxiety. But I'm going to work on retraining those impulses, because this just makes more sense.

Take a deep breathe, and don't think - just feel, that everything is alright, and okay, and always is.

Worry & The Crown Chakra

As you may be well aware, the Crown Chakra is the energetic energy source connecting our body and spirit - located at the top of the head. There are several other energetic Chakras (the word Chakra is sanskrit for "wheel " or "turning") in the body; each of which connects to a major organ or gland; the Crown Chakra is the one at the upper most part of the physical body and it opens our awareness to all that is "above" us (energetically higher on a vibratory scale).

Now that I've gotten the brief explanation of the Crown Chakra out of the way, on to the gist. I have had panic disorder for nearly a decade now, and while the worst of it was in the first two years, I do still have moments of sheer panic from time to time. The big panic attacks are limited; it is the smaller anxiety which I am still plagued by. It is a daily exercise in letting go, living with the level of anxiety I do; I am always looking for deeper clues within myself as I know this anxiety is not the illness, but rather a symptom of something deeper.

When I go deeply within myself and ponder anxiety, and it's root - fear, I come away with a knowing that my fears all stem from feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, and self-doubt. While on the outside I may appear to be quite certain about myself, internally I am constantly judging myself; it is very emotionally exhausting and quite painful. And just because I am aware of it doesn't make it easier to break out of the patterns I've fallen into.

So what does my anxiety and the Crown Chakra have to do with each other? Well I've made so many observations about each Chakra over the years during my meditations and cleansings; I know that my fears are connected on an intimate level to my Crown. When I am in a deeply receptive state, breathing deeply and tuning into my biology and surroundings on a very profound level, I notice that the milisecond my mind slips into a fearful place I feel a pinching pressure on my Crown. When I feel this pinching my throat quickly begins to "choke up" or feel swollen; signifying that this is also relative to my Throat Chakra, and my ability to express myself, or be heard and understood.

So on a higher energetic level I am aware of the root of my fears, I understand where they originate within my own experience here on Earth (all from early childhood) and I can see how I've lived my life either in abject abandon of my fears (mostly as a young woman) or in compromising hesitation regarding my life experiences and choices.

Ok, so Dee, you understand where your fears come from, and you understand where they are hooked up on your energetic Chakra system; what's the problem? Just be done with it now!

If only it were so simple. We are creatures of habit and conditioning; and I've spent the better part of the last two decades unknowingly conditioning myself to feel unworthy, unloveable, and mistrusting of myself. I remember the first two decades of my life were spent in quite a large sense of confidence, and I always had an unspoken knowing that things would always be alright in my life, and I would always be provided for.

Ironically, it was around the time I began to explore world Religions and spirituality that I also began to experience the first inklings of self doubt and anxiety about myself. I'd had anxiety since childhood but it was always regarding the actions and behaviors of others; hardly ever about myself.

But now, by age 40, there is so much self-doubt that I find myself questioning everything I do and say, quietly having an ongoing commentary within myself, asking things like "was that stupid?" or "did I cause pain?" or "that was petty - you suck".

This is deeply ingrained within me, so much so that when I catch it happening it feels like a shock, each and every time; though I'm aware of the causes, the triggers, and the affect both physically and energetically, it doesn't make it easier to accept it. Each time I find myself judging myself, and open myself up energetically to the point where I can see it for what it is, it feels a bit like an epiphany; as though it is the first time I've discovered myself doing this. So in a way I feel a bit like an amnesiac, as I easily forget to watch for the signs, to moderate my inner commentary; and when I forget then it's back into the old patterns again.

I need to dedicate myself to this, and this alone now; I am so tired of beating the crap out of myself. I know rationally that I am not responsible for the feelings and perceptions of others, and yet there is this need within me to accommodate, to bend, to be pleasing and valid. When someone hurts me I automatically look to myself for the blame, having a hard time understanding that I may not have any blame at all; I generally assume it's my lack of endearing traits that leave a bullseye on my forehead. People just seem to have no trouble being coarse, abrupt, judgemental and cruel to me. So it must be something I emit... and in this way I think to the animal kingdom; stronger animals sense the weakness of their prey and know they are higher up on the food chain - they don't question that, it's simply instinctive knowing which drives them to overtake prey again and again. In this way, I am like prey, emitting a weak signal, so in essence wearing a bullseye on my forehead and heart.

I understand that any of my extremely positive attributes (and there are some) are overshadowed by my weakness, and subconsciously some people are wired up to feel superior to others and thereby treat them differently. I don't judge this; it's human nature. I just find it interesting how in the first twenty years of my life, even though I still had doubts and hangups (I grew up in a very painful environment) I was still confident and self-assured and just knew beyond knowing that I was connected to something "sacred" in the Universe, that always had my back.

Why I ever felt the need to explore anything beyond that, I'm not quite sure, I can't remember when or why I began to seek something "more". But it was a fall down a rabbit hole I can never recover from. My blissful ignorance was blown to hell as I explored world cultural religious modes, dogmas; as I really began to understand just how convoluted "faith" is when built upon guess work. And that is all world religions are - guesswork. I don't mean anyone any offence, and while I'm sure some of you will want to immediately pray for my soul, I assure you I'm quite alright as I am in this respect. Your prayers and blessings are always welcome but they are more for yourself, than they ever are for me. You see, a prayer is a plea to something greater within and without - a request for grace to handle adverse situations, for patience to handle things which test us, and strength to be as great as we hope to be. You can pray for my soul, but it's your own soul which drives the desire to do so.

We're all fearful and anxious about death and what comes next vs. nothing comes next. Faith is a wonderful place to reside, but when it isn't backed up by knowledge it's blind faith, and anyone who doesn't have practical working experience with death is guessing. My mom had a near death experience in her childhood and I don't question her experience, I know she experienced the tunnel of white light, the angelic choir, the being pulled upwards; what I question is how much of that experience was manufactured by her pineal gland.

I've gotten slightly off track, but this digression is good as it brings me back full circle now; when I used to think about death in my first 15 years, I knew God was in Heaven and I would join him when my body died eventually, because I was reborn through Christ.

Then, in my late teens and early twenties when I thought about death I thought the exact same thing, only more abstracted, with less linear lines so to speak; not as many rules, not as many dogmatic confines.

Then in my mid twenties and into my thirties thoughts of death elicited images of the Universe, and nebulae, and alternate dimensions; my view had expanded to a Universal level, and I just knew that the journey wouldn't end with my body, and that gave me tremendous peace. This peace could only exist if a fear had once taken it's place; so the peace I would feel was really indicative in my sometimes doubts in the ongoing nature of the soul, or our essence. I had faith, but not 100%.

Now, I'm 40, and I don't know quite honestly. And sometimes that eats at me, but not very often. You see, I made that my mission last year; to come to grips with my fear of death and "what next". And I have made a tremendous amount of insightful progress. I don't attach the same meanings to death that I used to; my exploration helped me to see things in a different light, and now when I think about death leading nowhere, I'm ok with that instead of instantly panicked. And when I think of death leading somewhere I'm ok with that too, because as far as I'm concerned I have no control over what happens to "me" when my body dies, so I have two choices: stress the $@%! out about it, or just breathe and exhale.

I exhale.

Now I'd like to exhale regarding my internal commentary of fear and self-doubt. I'm doing it all the time, cutting myself down, limiting my abilities, putting up boundaries and blocks because of fear and uncertainty. I want to move to a place of wider perspective on this, like I have regarding the thought of death. I want to know on a deeper level why it's pointless to run this internal commentary, because on a rational level I get how destructive it is, I know I'm poisoning my cellular body with negative ions. Even as I typed that last statement my Crown Chakra pinched and felt tight, and I realized I was feeling anxious and stressful about what I'm doing to my body.

Do you see?

Am I odd?

That is one thing I often wonder; do other people worry as much as I do? They don't seem to. Mostly.

So I'm going to make it my mission now, as of this day, to be mindful of my inner commentary, and to be paying attention to my internal responses, so that I can start to re-condition myself. I feel like the member of a cult who has escaped, who now needs to go through extension behavior modification in order to reclaim their own sense of identity.

Out of the numerous things I would like to work on within myself, this is the one which needs dealing with now. I am ready to stop worrying about worrying.

Thanks for hearing me out.

Lucid Dreams & the "Delta Hum"

I remember one of the first times I experienced what I now call the "delta hum"; I was a young teenage girl laying in my bed at night and this sound began deep within my head, and it got 'louder' and more intense until I couldn't take it, and I shook my head and it dissipated. I thought nothing of it and forgot about it by the next morning.

This type of experience happened often in my teenage years, and I never told anyone about it, because I figured I was hearing things, and was "crazy". I was already quirky enough as it was, I didn't need my friends and family thinking I was even weirder than they thought. The hum stopped some time in my early twenties, and I all but forgot about it until it returned about 8 years ago. This time I was older, and somewhat wiser, and met the experience with curiosity rather than fear (though to be honest, it still did cause me anxiety to experience it).

Let me explain the hum a bit, and why I call it a delta hum. It's pretty hard to describe it, because I can't really compare it to anything else. Let's just say it's like having a pipe organ in the middle of your head, but all the keys pump out white noise instead of tones. The white noise is multi-tonic though, as there are different pitches and levels of sound. This pipe organ of white noise starts out so gradually and quietly that I'm not aware of it until it becomes "louder", and I use the word louder loosely because it isn't an auditory experience, I'm not really hearing the hum so much as feeling it and being aware of it in different ways. The hum is like someone has smashed down 20 different keys on the white noise pipe organ, and it gets louder and louder, until I can feel it vibrating within my head and eventually my body. I did a lot of digging and researching about 8 years ago when the hum returned, and began to understand that the only time the hum ever came upon me was when I was drowsing, and beginning to enter a delta sleep state - the state where you're crossing the boundary between conscious wakefulness and light sleep.

At that point in my life, eight years ago, I was meditating regularly on a daily basis, and once in a while I would find myself drifting off to sleep after a peaceful meditative experience, and one afternoon after an especially pleasant meditation I was drifting off, though still aware of my surroundings, and the sounds within my home. The hum began gradually and quietly and I thought to myself that this time I was going to 'go with it'. So I breathed deeply, relaxed further and just let the hum keep building.

It built up to the point that I thought my mind would go deaf (if that reference makes any sense to you then you're getting my point completely!) but I pushed the anxiety down and let the hum continue.

And then it happened!

I realized I was now asleep, but still consciously aware of my physical body and location. I focused on the hum and it lulled me into a dream and for the first time in my life I found myself in a lucid dream with the ability to direct it completely.

It was a beautiful experience and I began to realize that this hum was not physical at all; but rather was connected to the electro-magnetic energy within my body and brain. I believe some people are naturally able to lucid dream, as well as astral project, and as I continued to experiment with the delta hum I found that I could do both things, and that the hum was something like a gateway, or a nexus point for my travels.

To this day, when the hum comes upon me I let it guide me into a gentle state of awareness while sleeping. However, I don't experience the hum often at all any more, and I attribute this to the myriad pain killers I am on for my spinal diseases. These medications numb the mind and body, and the hum simply eludes me 99% of the time now.

I know that when I eventually have my surgery and am able to live an every day life without the need of narcotics I will be able to access the delta hum again, and as I get older I find more profound and intimate desires for my lucid dreams and out of body experiences. I am eager to communicate with various aspects of my Higher self as I have in previous experiences.

If you're interested in this type of spiritual experience, then perhaps you can see if you can tap into your own delta hum. It's very simple really, deep breathing exercises while laying in bed preparing to sleep can help you to relax enough to focus on your biology. Focus on your breathing, your lungs, your heart, and the blood flowing through your entire body, being pumped through your heart, pounding through your veins and arteries, and being transported into your brain. Become absorbed in the workings of your blood and oxygen, and then call upon the hum; it doesn't come from anywhere in particular, and in fact I now understand that this hum is always evident within our bodies. The hum is your energy, your frequency, the electricity within your body and brain, so all you're going to do is "listen" more intently for it. You may want to incorporate Chakra cleansing exercises into your breathing/meditation as this may help you to get into a delta receptive state.

If you're able to detect your hum you can expect a normal amount of anxiety at first, it's a new experience and it's rather bizarre, and it's quite natural to want to turn it off as quickly as you become aware of it. Don't feel dismay if you immediately shut the hum down the first few times you tap into it, it's okay to have this very human response. But if you stick with it, you may amaze yourself with how far you can take the experiment.

I'd love to hear the results of your own experiences with the delta hum, feel free to comment, email me or let me know via Twitter .

Here's wishing you lucid dreams and peaceful sleep!

The Big Picture: Greater Perspective

I often reference "the big picture" when I am speaking to people during Spiritual Consultations, or in my Tarot Readings. And every  now and again, a person will look at me uncertainly and ask me what I mean.

Perception being a personal and internal thing, "the big picture" can mean many different things, depending on your thought process. So I'll share with you my idea of "the big picture". Perhaps you'll see the irony in it, as I do; the big picture truly requires you to get "smaller" to really see it .

I will share my idea of the big picture through visualization, so please allow me to take you on a bit of a journey now. Relax where you are sitting reading, and take a couple of cleansing deep breaths.

Now look at your self and your life from a third person perspective. See your life from outside of yourself, as though you were looking at your environment and experiences as you would a TV character. Detach yourself, and un-bias yourself. See your life from a distance, and first begin by seeing everything directly surrounding you. See the room you sit in, in the house or apartment or flat you live in. See the other people or pets in your living environment, all going about their business, doing their own things. See your job, or school, and other daily obligations as something like branches on a tree; they are extensions of how you spend your time on a daily basis. 

Now move outwards a bit further, so that you see your house, apartment or flat in the neighborhood in which you live. See all of the other houses, buildings, parks, trees, cars and everything that take up space in your neighborhood.

Move outwards further now, and see your neighborhood in the city or town or village which you live in. See the totality of your locality; see how many people live in close proximity of each other in your area of the world, see all of the cars, and the fields, and the rivers and streams and lakes. 

Move out yet again, so that you now see your city or town in the province, or state in which you live, and then again move out to see your province or state in the country in which you live.

In your unbiased unattached perspective, see your country in relation to the oceans and seas that surround it, and the other countries which border it. Continue to widen your view to the point where you now see the entire world. 

Here you are, now looking at the Earth. And I want you to move again further out, so that the Earth becomes smaller as you move away, and eventually it becomes nothing more than a dot, and then inevitably a star shining far in the distance.

Seeing all of this widening of perspective, think back now to where you are sitting, at your computer or tablet, reading a blog article on the internet, in the room which you are sitting in. Can you truly see your life as something chaotic or dramatic when you have just previously seen life from such a bigger vantage point? You have just watched your world get incredibly small, while you watched the world grow infinitely huge.

This is seeing the big picture. Because in essence, this is the state of being; we are small individual creatures living our remote secluded lives in our tiny regions of a vast planet. And yet, the Universe goes on naturally, despite what we are experiencing from moment to moment in our emotional and physical life. The comets still move through space, as the planets still revolve around the suns, and the nebulae continue to expand in gaseous explosions of brilliant hues. The pains and pleasures you feel on a daily basis really seem to pale in comparison to the vastness of our Universe, don't they.

When life bogs you down, and you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed by it all, you can always remember the "big picture". The next time you feel yourself losing your wits at the piles of responsibilities you have, and the phone won't stop ringing, and the bills keep piling up, and you worry about how you'll afford X without sacrificing Y, catch yourself, and take a deep cleansing breath, and move outwards... look at the big picture, as you yourself become continually smaller and tinier. And remember, that long after this crisis, or this sorrow, or this upheaval passes, life will still continue to move naturally through this entire Universe.

The big picture is humbling, awe-inspiring, mysterious and peace inducing. I have shared with you elsewhere on this blog of mine that I have suffered from Panic Disorder in my past. And one of the things which helped me to overcome and cope with that panic was meditation. The thing which every meditation began with was this particular visualization exercise. To this day, if I feel myself losing my grip in the moment, I move to this visualization... and then I exhale and remember that "it isn't so bad after all". Because in such a terrific and immense Universe where everything is possible, and mysterious, and enigmatic, how can our small problems really amount to much in the grand scheme of things? This is the big picture, and it is beautiful.

With Divine Love,

Ascension Symptoms

During our Spiritual Awakening experience, which is indeed ongoing and infinite, we find our body, mind, and emotions facing challenges at times. Many people refer to these challenges as "Ascension Symptoms", and this is quite apt, as they are symptoms of an energetic lightening of your aura and Chakra's.

These symptoms can be trivial and barely even noticeable, such as moments of blurred eyesight, or occasional and slight heart palpitations. We can experience exhaustion which can last for weeks at a time, and then out of nowhere we are revitalized with a renewed level of vitality and zeal.

And then there can be more pronounced or even troubling symptoms, which can cause you to feel anxious or fearful for your health and mental well being. Indeed I have had my own rich list of symptoms through the years, and some of them were incredibly overwhelming upon their onset. When I began to experience internal tremors I was petrified that something was "wrong" with me, and saw virtually every type of medical professional I could within a year and a half. As I continued to search for the cause of this inner trembling it became humorous, as one professional was sure it was restless leg syndrome, even though I could feel it in my ears and arms and chest. Another was quite certain I had sleep apnea, even though the tremor is noticeable during my waking hours. Yet another specialist told me that I had  a benign form of Parkinsons disease, and another said it was attributed to peri-menopause and hormonal shifts.

After a while I just let go, and let "God" as it were; and I looked within my intuition. It was clear that this was indeed a large manifestation of ascension symptoms, and it was relative a large leap through dimensional energy patterns. I have been aware that I am an energetic Vortice since my childhood, yet I never imagined that this could be internalized upon a journey of self-aware Awakening.

So now when the tremor occurs I accept that it is a physical phenomena, and it could indeed be exacerbated by my hormones, or my glands or immune system, or the amount of sleep I had the night previous, or even the food eaten that day. But above all of this I am aware that it is perfect.

You see, these symptoms are perfect in that they are messages to us about how our Awakening is coming along, and they point us to our Chakras and any blocks we may have.

I rarely experience the tremor these days, and when I do I go within to my Heart chakra, cleanse it and work it upwards to the Throat with white light. This always helps to lessen the experience of the violent internal shaking.

These Ascension Symptoms serve to keep us abreast of where we are energetically. Because while we may see our physical self as separate from Spirit, they are in no way disconnected, and the state and wellbeing of one does very profoundly affect the state of the other. So when a symptom is irking you, it's like a message from your Higher Self to seek the imbalance.

Sometimes the cause of our energy disruption can be as trivial as not getting enough sleep, or water, or exercise. Sometimes the energy upheaval can relate to something more profound, like ingesting too many preservatives and additives, or foods and beverages which are not stimulating us in a positive way.

It is imperative to each of us who undergo a conscious Awakening of Spirit to be in the "know" as far as your triune self is concerned. You are body, mind, and spirit, and the three work wonderfully when balanced, and yet when out of balance each is affected and each will manifest in such a way as to get your attention.

So pay attention, and listen to your intuition. If you are doing something which is detrimental to your Awakening and well-being, it will nag at you like a tiny voice in the back of your mind. My little voice nags at me about cigarettes, as indeed this is still a vice I have not been able to break free from. I know that this vice does me harm both in body, and in mind, because the guilt I feel for still smoking will also cause me as much harm as the smoking itself. This will cause an imbalance within my Spirit, which will directly affect my Ascension experience. It is all interconnected.

Please know you can come to the Facebook Group for Awakenings and discuss your ongoing Ascension Symptoms, as we can all help each other to see a bigger picture. Sometimes we are too attached to our own experience to be 100% unbiased and receptive. And as you know, Ascension requires us to be honest, even when that honesty makes us feel defensive or unpleasant.

You are never alone, and you are truly Blessed and Loved. If you are experiencing an Ascension Symptom which you do not understand please feel free to contact me. And if you feel you can help others understand theirs please also join the Facebook Group linked above, so that you can be of service to other brothers and sisters of Light.

Treat yourself gently, with love. Eat healthy live foods, drink clean clear water, get plenty of sleep, and keep your thoughts balanced and positive. These can be trying times, and yet when we are in a balanced state of center, we are able to see beyond the polarity of the world around us, to the Peaceful calm which Is Infinite.