Monday, February 20, 2017

Life In The Upside-Down

Three months ago, I had a shunt surgically placed in my head, to alleviate swelling due to a spinal fluid leak. I woke up in the upside-down, and now nothing feels right anymore.

The world feels like it's on a collision course with madness, and no matter how much I try to smile and laugh it off, there is a heavy sense of nihilistic discontent within me. People say the world hasn't changed, we just see it more clearly in this time of instant communication, news, and technology. But I don't know about that, because it seems pretty different to me than it did even just a few years ago.

If you do any research into the Mandela Effect you'll find a lot of crackpot conspiracies and lunacy. But there are some historical inaccuracies that I cannot overlook, and which wrinkle my water-logged brain. I remember vividly growing up watching video of the JFK assassination. There were never six people in that car. It was not a six seater. But somehow every video online now shows footage that is in direct competition with my memory.

Something happened to this world. Whether it was a CERN related dimensional shift, or a simple shift in personal values; humanity seems to be in big trouble. And I don't rightly see a solution or a way out.

Celebrity dominates the media, and now politics. Outright lies are laughed off, memes are made, twitter wars are waged, but nothing changes. Nothing is accomplished. The rich get richer, while the rest of us sit here confounded wondering "what happened???"

I can't help but wonder if in some alternate reality there is a girl watching our life on TV, thinking to herself "wow that shows pretty messed up!" Because life feels like reality TV now; everyone is posturing all the time, manners have all but evaporated, the bottom line is everyone's bottom line, and everybody has an ulterior motive.

It is getting more difficult for me to cope with my depression and anxiety disorder in this crazy reality we are living in. I mean, a bigoted billionaire reality TV star is leader of the free world. And Russia may be blackmailing him with embarrassing images of him engaging in golden showers with Russian hookers. How the hell am I supposed to feel anything remotely like faith in the human race?

I hope one day soon I will wake up in the hospital, and find out this was all just one big brain-swell dream. It's still pre-election November, my surgery was a success, and I had one hell of a trippy nightmare!

Joking aside, this has to be a difficult time for anyone who is living with mental illness.  I don't see my depression improving anytime soon.

So for now I will just keep reaching out to others, to you, and hope that we find our way back to kindness, compassion, and sanity.