Accessing Your Inner Caregiver; Soothing Your Inner Child

We live in a world that places so much emphasis on the wounds we collect as we grow up; the affronts to the "inner child", and many people spend so much of their time and money on therapy sessions, hoping to unravel hidden hurts in hour long sessions so that they may find peace and clarity.

Is it possible that talking about the gunk we go through in our formative years, again and again; dredging it all up for this psychiatrist or that therapist over and over could be more harmful than helpful in the end? Isn't the purpose of those painful experiences in our youth to help us grow and learn from our mistakes and hardships as we get older?

I would not suggest that seeking professional help for psychological issues isn't helpful or even wise; I myself have seen therapists in the past for my own issues surrounding my childhood, adoption, and unresolved feelings of abandonment. There is certainly a cathartic sense of release to be had in acknowledging our pain and then working on releasing it.

But the industry of healing the inner child is perhaps skewed and leaning too heavily upon ailment, unintentionally robbing people of a mighty sense of empowerment along the way. 

You see, I've come to realize in my life that not only do we have an inner child, but we also have an inner caregiver. As with all things in life on planet Earth, there is a polar opposite to balance the equation. Everything has it's opposite, and all is right at the end of the day as a result, because up is balanced by down, and the equitable dance between happy and sad gives us so much food for thought (and gratitude!) to learn and grow by. It only stands to reason that those things which hurt us as younger people also helped fortify us as we got older.

Instead of focusing on healing your inner child, suppose you put that energy into encouraging your inner caregiver to embody the loving and healing acceptance you have sought your whole life. We are human, and it is our very condition to seek acceptance, support, understanding, and unconditional love. These things are well and good when received from outside of ourselves, but until we can direct them inwards to our own self they are hollow. The inner caregiver is a conceptual image of the self as this nurturing and constant source of the emotional fortitude we yearn for, and to know it lives within is soothing; we are never truly alone as long as we have our own company, and when our own company is supportive, kind, and attentive then life becomes less overwhelming. The inner child can rest easier knowing that he or she is constantly watched over by the wisdom within, which bears the weight of all the lessons learned; liberated by your own sense of faith in yourself and your concern, compassion, and love for yourself.

When you step into this mindset you empower yourself to stop thinking of your past in regards to drama, victimization, negative experience and pain, and rather see it all as the stepping stones which led you to learn how to love yourself deeper, to value your own uniqueness, and to rely upon yourself to sooth the sorrow which can from time to time surface within. We are not victims of our past; none of us, no matter what we have lived through, experienced or been exposed to. The past is an echo and nothing more, and while it has led you to this place in your life, it does not define you, nor does it set the stage for who you will next become in your life. Your inner child is just a shadow, an image much like a hologram which no longer exists in your present state of being. But the inner caregiver is alive, vital, and very much present at this moment, and will be with you always.

So cultivate your inner caregiver by understanding that it is your psyche, your truer self, guided by your soul or your heart or whatever tender parts of your truth you wish to relate it to. Your inner caregiver is the wisest, most loving and gentle, patient and kind parts of you, and all you need to do to access the sweet sensations from within is just think about it. If you still your mind, deepen your breathing, and focus on feeling the calm and peace of your internal nursemaid, you will feel her or him.

So the next time you feel yourself being tugged into your past by your inner child, to a moment that makes you feel pity, shame, fear or guilt, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and picture that small child being rocked gently in the arms of the most loving version of yourself you can conjure. Know that in all of your biological complexity you are ultimately a very simple creature who just requires tenderness and positive reinforcement; and then remember that it all begins within you.