Senseless Human Suffering: Being A Part of the Solution

There is so much going on in the world around us, it's so easy to get caught up in it all; to be swept away in the currents of society, and the endless parade of pain and loss and fear which is sweeping across the planet at this time.

I turn on the news and I see what is going on in the Middle East and my heart aches, as I think about the innocent lives being lost, wasted, thrown away, and quickly I feel my energy lower itself, and then I become depressed, and begin to operate from a very dense level of consciousness.

This is natural, and to those of us who are extremely empathic it is simply part of our own personal challenge, to remain neutral, centered, and focused on the positive all around ourselves.

I so easily get caught up in my own anguish over what goes on in the world every day, and when I pin point the tragedies and travesties humanity endures I simply feel so desolate and lost. It is so easy to forget that it is our own free will, collectively and individually, which has brought us to this place we currently hold.

And so I remind myself, and hopefully anyone reading this who feels the way I so often feel, that the best thing any of us can do is to stay grounded, centered, and in the moment. When we get caught up in global storms of ego, power, tyranny and cataclysm it simply drains us of our energy, and leads to illness, and despondency. And brooding over that which happens in the world will certainly not change it, will it...

While we may not be able to change the reality others are living in at this time, and that can lead to a great deal of aggression and unresolved anger within ourselves, it is vital that we all remember that we have within our grasps the ability to channel positive energy and thoughts towards those situations and people.

It is possible to be in the storm - watch it rage all around us, and still remain centered, within the eye of the hurricane, so that we can remain rational, compassionate, observant, and accessible to those around us who need us.

I fall into despondency so easily, as I am so extremely empathetic, and literally feel the pain, sorrow, anguish and loss of others. When I watch the news, or read an article about yet another bombing, or downed airplane, or act of terrorism, my throat chakra locks up and tears well in my eyes and I feel so damned helpless, and that is the hardest thing for me to bear; not being able to do anything to help those people on Earth who so desperately need help!

And yet, if I take a moment to breathe, center, focus, and reach higher within myself to a place of wisdom and Light, I realize that I can help, by simply sending my love, my blessings, my ardent prayers and positive energy. My warring ego spits angry venomous thoughts through my mind, raging at these notions, feeling as though it is not enough! And yet my Higher sense of Self assures me that it is all I can do, all many of us can do, and it is worth more than we may at first think.

While thinking positive thoughts, or praying will not feed a hungry child, or stop a gunman from murdering a helpless victim before him, it is better than feeling like a victim ourselves, or slipping into feelings of rage, revenge, polarized notions of an eye for an eye vengeance. When we get lost in the storm and begin to feel whipped this way and that, and lose sight of our own sense of peace and stability, then we become a part of the problem. And none of us want to be a part of the problem.

So while we can't physically become a solution regarding so many of the big pressing heart wrenching issues on Earth, we can maintain equilibrium at home, in our society and community. We can quietly maintain loving compassionate feelings which we can share with those around us, and as ripples on a pond, watch those energies slowly move around the world.

I became so angry earlier yesterday morning, as I read an article about the ceasefire in Gaza not even lasting a whole day, and I saw a woman comment on the article, saying if everyone prayed on their Rosary beads, the war would end. I literally felt like smashing my laptop to bits on the ground, her comment evoked such a visceral sense of raw fury within me, as I envisioned countless do-gooder people praying together to stop genocide, and it made me feel so useless, meaningless, empty.

Yet later, as I thought on it, and I did, as my thoughts kept circulating around the ire I felt within me at this woman's words, I realized I was being part of the problem in that moment. I was sending so much negative and harmful thought energy towards a notion which made me feel helpless. Here this woman had felt so strongly in her own beliefs as a Catholic that she shared a bit of positivity, and I had responded by feeling angry towards her, and her notion, and indeed her entire religion.

That gave me great pause. She was trying to be a solution, in whatever small degree I deemed it to be, and I was not only judging her, but judging humanity in such a negative light. While I do not think billions of people rubbing rosary beads and praying will bring an end to the aggression in the middle east at this time, I also know that belittling that notion is surely as pointless as engaging in the war itself. I felt ashamed of myself.

So I meditated, and I prayed in my own way, and I came full circle back to the place where I always end up, after feeling anger, aggression, and confusion within myself; I came back to Love.

While I cannot hop on a plane, fly to Israel, and physically save the lives of every Jew and Arab engaged in this conflict, I can pray for them, and I can be hopeful for them, and I can look into ways I can help in my community. I can see if the Red Cross has relief efforts I can in some way assist with. I can see if writing politicians will hold any value. I can make efforts to resist this war in a way which does not resist my sense of Self, and Peace.

So I exhaled, and I calmed the raging mama Bear I am deep inside my ego, and I shrugged off my own immense hubris. I am in the eye of the storm again, and I'm sure the winds will whip up around me again in the future, and I'll find myself raging in the storm, feeling thoughts purely negative, detrimental, and pointless again, and when that happens I will again come full circle. It's what I do. It is what we do, as a species - we fumble towards ecstasy.

While prayer, and positive thinking may seem banal and pointless to many, and I can understand too well that feeling of "what are they thinking?!", I also feel and know deep within me, that it is so much more healing to send feelings of love, light, and prayer to those who are suffering on this planet, than to feel pity, apathy, and desolation.

So perhaps you'll join me, in a few silent moments of prayer at this time. Nothing fancy, nothing predetermined, just take a moment, to close your eyes, focus on humanity, and send love to each man, woman and child on Earth right now. Every single one, regardless of age, race, creed, religion, or background. Send love to the terrorists, and the terror-stricken. Send love to those who abuse their power, and those abused by others in power. Send love, and pray for wisdom, serenity, and release from aggression and hatred.

It surely has to be more productive than raging over the injustices in the world.

In Love,

Ego & Communication: Lost in Translation

Did you ever try to tell someone something, or share something with someone, and instead of talking about the thing you wanted to talk about you end up having a ridiculous argument which spirals out of control, gets personal, and ends in confusion?

Chances are, ego stepped in and hijacked your discussion.

I talked about this type of issue a bit in the Spiritual High Horse post I made in 2011. The issue addressed there was how often times Spiritualists can let their Spiritual Ego take the lead, unwittingly speaking from a place of delusion instead of simple Love or Peace.

I'd urge you to familiarize yourself with the concepts of the Ego, and the Spiritual Ego, to truly understand our multi-faceted selves, and how we often lie to not only others, but essentially ourselves. 

You see, we are beings who operate on a few different levels, at all times. Our ego is our sense of identity as a Human being. The psyche is the deeper sub-conscious Self that usually expresses itself through dreams, or deep introspection. The Higher Self is your Soul, which you connect to through your Crown Chakra, and is the truest most authentic version of You on a Universal and Spiritual level. The Spiritual Ego is a savvy aspect of our normal ego, and it follows our journey of self-aware Awakening each and every step of the way.

The Ego seeks to protect itself, and all it feels is valuable and essential to it's survival. In this way you can call the Ego the "False Self" as it really is the by-product of the material world, and has been created, and conditioned by the people and culture around it. I talked about Deprogramming the Mind previously, and in essence that pertains to realizing that who we have "become" as a self-aware individual on Earth is largely due to all we've been subjected to, taught, and steered towards by others in our world. You aren't born with an Ego, it is in the formative years that one begins to develop, as "yours" and "mine" becomes crystal clear to a little mind, that is so much like a sponge. We begin to understand that there are certain ways to behave which are "good" and others which are "bad" and as a result our world begins to guide our values, morality, and personality as a result.

But that personality is not who you really are.

You are Light, water, carbon, and energy, and at the core of your creative brilliance is Love. That is what we all share in common - our Souls, which all originate from the same source of Light in the Universe - we are beings of Light and of Love.

But on Earth, our connection to our truth is only accessed through raising our vibration to a higher level, to be able to connect to our Over Soul through an Ascended state of being. Ascension is simply an upwards rise to a higher vibrating frequency. The Soul is brilliant and vibrates at a rate of speed which the lower level density of 3Dimensional reality simply can't accommodate. To be at One with your Higher Self, to receive messages of inspiration, to connect to Divinity you must accept a higher rate of frequency within you.

This can be achieved quite easily through deep breathing (meditation) or peaceful receptivity. Often, when engaged in activity that brings calm and peace, ones energy level raises upwards and we find ourselves feeling the inspired and fertile energy of our Soul. This can happen in Church, or listening to music, while reading, or being in nature. Anything that touches our heart can raise our energy to a higher state of being. And that is where the truth of the Self resides.

But what of the Ego? 

The ego isn't to be feared, or disliked. It is simply to be understood, and then mastered. To master your ego takes lots of time, patience, and detachment. I am nowhere near mastering my ego. It simply swells up at times and takes over and soon enough I find myself completely removed from where I intended to be, because Ego has derailed my plans with it's own hungry, ambitious agenda. Ego loves attention, and Ego loves being right! And I am so guilty of letting my Ego seek it's own glory and validation - often!

This puts a real monkey wrench into my plans when I try to share knowledge or wisdom with another person. My intention is always to help, to illuminate, to lend a helping hand. And usually if I keep my motives in check, and breathe, and keep Spirit vibrating within my intentions I am able to reach others through my words, or my deeds.

But I'm human, as we all are, and from time to time I stick my Ego's foot in my big mouth, and end up making a mess of a well intended idea!

An example of this happened just yesterday, on Facebook (where else?) as I shared a link to an article about a 1500 year old Bible found in Turkey which denies that Jesus was crucified. I have never resonated with the idea that Jesus was anything other than a brilliantly gifted Lightworker, or Prophet. This Bible emphasizes that, demonstrating Jesus as a mortal man, blessed by God, rather than being the son OF God - who was gifted with healing powers, as well as psychic talents, in order to help draw the children of Israel into Unity in a monotheistic (One - God) ideology.

In short, I find this new discovery intriguing, and wanted to share it! Well an acquaintance wasn't pleased with it, got defensive, and ended up unfriending and blocking me!

My immediate reaction was "boy, she must really have shaky faith to let a post on someone else's wall upset her so!"

My secondary reaction was "Boy, I really could have responded to her in a gentler and more patient way..."

I never said anything mean to her, I simply shared my beliefs, but in my often cool analytic delivery I likely caused her to feel alienated.  I felt deflated, and essentially felt a sense of loss, as I realized I'd had an opportunity to really engage this woman, and I'd failed.

And I realized, that yet again Ego had surreptitiously snuck into my responses to her, and I'd let it happen, and I'd lost a chance to have a truly illuminating moment with someone who deep within feels threatened by my rather unconventional beliefs. The weight of this failure sat heavy on my Heart.

You see, while I didn't say anything harmful to her, and I kept my response neutral and clinical in order to approach the topic from a place of pure science and data, I did something I realize I've been doing for a while without realizing it! When it comes to talking to hard core ultra-conservative Christians and Catholics, I get defensive. I expect to be looked at as a Pagan sinner in their eyes. I expect them to abandon reason in sight of their deeply held beliefs. I expect a breach in communication to occur simply because that is what often has happened in my experience.

I myself have been scripting a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

I apologize to every single person who has ever felt alienated by me in a religious discussion. While I may come off as cool headed, and fact based, the truth is, I have trust issues. And that isn't your doing - it is my issue to work through, and resolve.

While it is my highest and most humble desire to share knowledge with others, and help people keep an open mind, I immediately lower my own vibration and intent by putting up a wall and approaching these subjects with defenses in tact.

Because I've been embroiled in religious arguments in the past, I have adopted a very cool calculated sense of communication when it comes to religion - it simply feels safer to be remote, fact based, and rational in this type of scenario. But I do no one any good when I am letting my Ego divert the discussion.

So I accept this lesson, and I'm grateful to have finally figured it out. I don't know how many people I have made feel "less than" in religious discussions, but from this day out I intend to speak from my Heart as much as from my Head where personal beliefs are concerned. I will stop expecting to be misjudged based on my own personal beliefs. And I will stop assuming that every Christian or Catholic I meet is judging me out of the gates for not sharing their beliefs.

Do you see how Ego operates?

This is why it is imperative to be very honest with yourself on a journey of Awakening. Self-awareness is the most necessary ingredient on the table my friend; for if you can't be honest with yourself, then you're lying to everyone.

There is no harm in accepting there are aspects of who we are that are malignant at times. It's not a sign of weakness, or even a sin - we are physical beings on a heavy energy planet, dealing with our various senses of Self in a world where everyone else wants to shape our morality. It's bound to happen from time to time; ego will trick you and you'll never understand that ego is at the wheel - until you're ready to.

Even the best intentions can be laid asunder by a raging Ego.

Let us all attempt to be more honest with ourselves, about who we are, and who we really Are. And then maybe we can come together and communicate from the Heart, while letting down our walls of defense, and just make connections instead of messes.

Karma: Can You Live With It?

Over the years I've seen people refer to karma in various ways, and it's clear that the general public isn't really aware of exactly what karma is, what it's function is, and how it's created. I would like to dedicate this entry to dispelling some myths, clarifying the concepts of karma, and also discussing how karma is a very powerful tool which must be viewed with honesty during ones own journey of awakening.

Let's start by understanding what karma is, and by contrast, what it is not.

Karma is a an ancient sanskirt word, originating from the word "kamma" which means "action" "word" or "deed". The concept of Karma originated in ancient India, with Hindu's, Buddhists and other Eastern Philosophies. The idea of karma is that ones own actions, words, or deeds are creative on an energetic level as well as physically, and that what you do, think, or say is put out into the Universe as an energetic creative force, and it will then draw back to you energy of a similar state of vibration.

To better understand this, let's look at Karma as a Universal law, such as Gravity, the law of attraction, or relativity; for this is exactly what Karma is. Karma is the natural law of "as above, so below", in that what you do, think, or say on an Earthly level (Below) also enacts itself on a higher level (above).

What Karma Isn't:

Now we must dispell a few myths attached to the concept of Karma, before going further. I see people talk about karma as though it is a person, or an entity, referring to it as some righteous law keeper who rewards the good and punishes the wicked. Karma is not a person, or an entity of any sort. Karma has no conscience or consciousness; Karma is a principle put in place in this free will universe which is tied very closely to duality. We live in a reality which is built upon the principles of duality; you understand that every action has its reaction; and that all things have their mirror. Up is always mirrored by down, happy has it's counterpart in sad, even life is mirrored by death. Duality is the way this universe is set in to motion, so that our every experience can be fully appreciated by knowing it's similarity and its opposite. This is a learning tool which is invaluable to every soul alive; we could never truly appreciate the lush and wondrous sensations of Love and Peace unless we had something opposite by which to compare them to. So to better understand Love and Peace we get to experience loneliness, abandonment, and anxiety or chaos. This is duality. And for such a system of duality to work fundamentally it must be governed by a law which acts as a system of checks and balances; and this law is Karma.

You understand now that Karma is not a person, or a being with a consciousness; indeed it is simply a law of physics, much like gravity. It exists to measure our every action, word, and thought and then deliver us a result, or consequence so that we can fully learn about what we have put forward into the world. If you say something hurtful to someone, that will have a consequence; the tenets of Karma dictate that what you put out will return to you equally. Neo-Pagans and Wiccan's talk about the threefold rules of Karma, and suggest that what you put forth will return to you three-fold. I tend to disregard this type of thinking, as the law does not seem to favor taxing you times 3 on any of what you put out into the world. So let's look at Karma as a system by which what you put out you will receive back an equal amount of reaction, response, or consequence.

As Karma is a law of the Universe it is not biased, it has no favorites, in fact it is not invested in your words, deeds or actions. Human beings like to personify things like Karma in order to feel validated, but the truth is Karma isn't personal on any level, it is a natural law of energetic give and take.

How Karma Works?

Now that we understand what Karma is not, and truly see that it is a simple Universal law of balance, we can explore how Karma works. And it's really very simple to be honest, and won't require much explanation on my part; Karma gives back to you what you give away. If you do something kind, that goes into the Universe as positive energy, which will shine back to you in some way in your life. If you do something unkind, that goes into the Universe as negative energy, which will also shine back to you in some way in your life.

It's important at this point to note, this is not a system of reward and punishment!! Karma is not about rewarding the good and punishing the wicked; it is a tool by which we can grow, by reaping the rewards or results of our previous words, actions and thoughts. What better way to learn about how what we do affects the Universe energetically, than to have it affect us energetically as well?

Karma is active always; it is a constant law, and is at work in your life every second of every day. Now, being that it is a Universal Law, much like the Law of Attraction, it is wired up to your inner world, and your inner dialogue.

As with the Law of Attraction, you can say nice kind flowery things about someone, yet think negatively about them, and both Laws will disregard what you've said, and go to what you have thought - this is because this is where the truth of your energy is present. It is your deepest truth within that activates any Universal Law.

How to Keep Karma Positive?

Honestly you can't keep your Karma positive, the point is not to manipulate Karma, or change it. Karma isn't set in place to make you try to behave; it exists to help you change from the inside out. And that change can only come through experience, self-awareness, honesty, and ardently trying to become the highest and brightest version of yourself that you can.

So rather than trying to keep your Karma positive, focus on being a kinder and gentler person. The ways you can affect your Karma are so simple; follow your intuition. Intuition is a direct link to your Higher Self, or your Soul. And your Soul always knows what is best; Love. When in doubt, ask yourself "what would love do?" If you respond from that place of Love within you then you can be sure your Karma will be balanced.

Making Conscious Choices & Living With It

So now that we have a better understanding of Karma, as a Universal Law of balance and equanimity, we can talk about living with the results of your actions, thoughts, and words. There will always be opportunities in this world to react out of anger, or sadness, or jealousy etc, and while most of the time I would say "turn the other cheek" and just let it go, there are times when you just have to express your negative feelings in order to stand up for something or some one, or to make a point, or defend yourself or a loved one. We can't always turn the other cheek and sometimes you have to do something which will undoubtedly turn your Karma into the negative. If you are aware of this, and have weighed your options, consulted your intuition, prayed about it, and still feel you must stick by your convictions, then you must ask yourself "can I live with the Karmic results of this?"

And you must understand, Karma works in mysterious ways, and the cost could be anything from a "bad day" to an illness, or some great loss in your life. Depending on what you put out there, what you receive back could be life changing. So always be certain you are prepared to receive your Karma, before you do anything which will draw any negative Karma back to you.

Karma seems to work at it's own pace too; sometimes Karma plays out quickly, other times it seems to take ages. In fact lots of Karmic debts play out over several lifetimes. Depending on the amount of harm you've caused, you may carry Karma over into the next life, in order to truly learn from the negativity you have caused and expressed to the Universe.

So instead of worrying about what your Karma may be in the future, work towards clearing your Karma in the now.

How do you do this?

Get Honest, Humble, and Aware.

Sometimes you can clear your Karma with a simple heart felt apology. But giving that apology must come from a place of humility within you, where you realize you've caused harm. It is best to always follow your heart; if you've treated someone with less care than you'd like to be treated, perhaps you should take the time to right that wrong. It's best to always act from Love, as opposed to letting your ego feel "right". Most acts of negative Karma come from the ego itself, and it's need to be the center of attention, it's need to be right and validated and revered. But we know that the ego is an illusion; it is a false self which we build up around us in this very mundane world of petty insecurity. The ego wants more, whereas Love wants to express itself. So express yourself honestly, with the highest intentions of giving love, and creating positivity all around you, and if you've done or said something in your life which you regret; make amends. And don't do this to make your Karma different; do it because it is simply what Love would do.

The next time you wish someones Karma upon them, remember that Karma is always at work, in their lives, and in yours. Karma reacts to our deepest thoughts, and our every action, so instead of focusing on how so-and-so needs a good dose of Karma, focus on yourself, and what you're putting out there. If you can live with yourself, chances are your Karma will be good. If guilt eats at you in some way, it's a good time to start making a humble attempt to make things right between yourself, and anyone you've hurt, in any way.

With that said, I wish you the deepest Love that is within you - may it blossom through your every deed, word, and thought. With abiding Love,

The New Age Movement; Confessions of a Recovering Dogma-holic

Like so many of us on the journey of Spirituality and awakening, I explored various religions and beliefs in my first few decades on Earth; I had a deep passionate desire to better understand the Universe, my place in it, and the "why" which connects all living things. My first foray into God territory was into the Christian church, which I freely attended as a child, until I was 16 years old. I was lucky to have been raised by parents who allowed me the space and freedom to explore Spirituality at my own pace. My mother could well be described as a recovering Cathoholic; raised in a Polish Catholic home in the middle of the 20th century, she attended Catholic school, and experienced all of the dogma attached to that particular sect. Her hands were lashed with rulers by strict nuns, she took Catechism class, performed penance and gave regular confession. When I expressed a desire at an early age to go to Christian church, she told me I was welcome to go, but asked me to always keep an open mind. She was disenchanted by the dogma she faced growing up Catholic, and she did not wish to see her daughter become bogged down by the moral rulings of others based on what she felt were antiquated scriptures, and thousand year old writings.

I eventually fell out of sync with Christianity, as I got older, and began to understand dogma in a much more personal and far less academic way. When faced with the "absolute truths" the Christian church doled out, certain aspects did not sit well within me, and when I would question authority figures in the church, such as a youth pastor named Will for example, I was chastised, and never given plausible answers to my questions.

In short, I began to understand what my mother had meant, as I was seeing so many rules within the religion itself, and yet very few people adhering to those rules Monday through Saturday.

I decided God as I wanted to understand Him had to be far superior to the God I was being taught about in church; that he would be so ingenious as to grant his creation free will, and yet so critical as to judge His children for using that free will struck me as hypocrisy. Surely, God had more depth, and was capable of far more patience and love?

I spent the next decade or so exploring less mainstream belief systems, learning what interested me about various belief systems, ranging from Mormonism, to Buddhism, always gleaning valuable aspects of each faith, and yet always finding myself standing at a remarkable impasse in the end; the wall of dogma.

The rebellious nature within me wanted to get a better understanding of Spirituality, and my creator, and it seemed that no matter what I studied or examined, there was always some absolute law, or rule that just didn't sit well in my heart and mind.

Then I discovered the New Age movement, and what a revelation it was for me!

I found books and articles about subjects like out of body experiences, astral projection, channeling, and ascension, and I felt at One with what I was learning, uncovering, and discovering. It was very much like a home-coming for me, and my twenties and thirties found me cultivating a deeper sense of Spirituality through alternative arts, the occult, and the New Age movement which was sweeping across the planet in waves of beautiful expressiveness.

For a time, a long while, I felt free. The liberation I felt within the open-minded Spirituality I was exploring was so all encompassing for me, and for the first time in my life I felt as though I had found tid-bits and portions of a Truth so great, that it had to be right!

I had been reading Tarot cards for years, as well as runes, I-Ching, and crystals, as well as performing chakra cleansing's, body energy sessions, and Shamanic Voyages, and eventually I found myself transitioning from the student, into the role of teacher. And I glorified in this new aspect of my self-aware journey of Spirituality. I spent quite a few years guiding others, providing what I still refer to as Spiritual facilitation; or counselling. I was hosting the worlds most popular website for Awakening Starseeds, and Spirit seemed to be sending so many newly awakening souls to me for guidance, affirmation and direction.

As I settled into a very comfortable life of professionally reading Tarot, and offering Spiritual guidance to those who came seeking, I experienced a deep peace within me that I had never known previously. I spent the first decade of the new millennium living my joy, walking in harmony with nature, my Spirit guides, the Universe, and those around me who were also on their own individual path of Ascension and awakening.

Then, as it always will when one becomes too comfortable, the rug was pulled out from under me.

It wasn't one particular experience which led to a disassembling of my beliefs and assuredness in those beliefs, but rather a series of events which seemed to roll into one another, like a snowball gathering momentum, growing as it picked up speed. My online communities began to become argumentative, and were regularly being infiltrated by what are commonly referred to as "trolls", and I spent so much time trying to accomodate the needs of my valued long standing members, while still offering a safe haven to new members, that I tried literally everything I could think of to maintain a democratic, open, and fair community for the thousand plus members. But a revolution was brewing, and as my dearest friends and moderators and assistants unwittingly (or wittingly, who knows?) brought about a full blown mutiny, I began to crack under pressure, and made a series of choices over a year long period (or longer) which eventually lead to the community becoming a ghost town.

I removed the Awakening Starseeds website at this time, as I felt I was being pulled in so many directions, and was feeling victimized by the drama I was feeding into myself, and my Spiritual sense of identity began to unravel, unbeknownst to me until later...

Then my father passed away, 8 years ago, and I buried myself in the things that brought me peace and contentment, as I was losing my grip on my center and state of connection to Spirit. I began to withdraw into the old books, the old channelings, all of the materials which had piqued my curiosity many years beforehand, in an attempt to reclaim the feelings which had brought me so much joy in the beginning of my own Awakening.

And the downward spiral continued.

And it wasn't until I hit Spiritual rock bottom, and took a very long and critical look in the mirror, that I realized the folly of all I had been, done, and desired.

The New Age movement began with such pure and beautiful energy, and it created unity, and drew people together in the spirit of gratitude, celebration, and kindred soul family vibrations. Yet, at some point as the movement gained momentum, it shifted, and the energy became heavier, and more 3 Dimensional. And all of the things we were trying to transcend in our desire to break apart the old paradigm, had suddenly become the tenets of the movement themselves.

The trailblazers who had begun to truly spread the messages in the late 1980's, were making millions, and falling back into denser energy, becoming wrapped up in the illusion they were creating, rather than truly growing. And I believe that many of us who were actively trying to make a cosmic shift on planet Earth by raising the vibration to a higher dimensional state of Love and Oneness became confused, and instead of staying motivated in the moment to give, heal, and help, we were creating new dogmas, new absolute rules of engagement, and our ego's were working overtime to justify it, so that we could continue to pat ourselves on the head as though everything were still on track.

But it wasn't on track. 

The New Age movement lost momentum a few years ago. 

The monthly channelling's by beings such as Michael, Raphael, and Seth began to be just the "same old same old", spouting out rhetoric, having run out of anything original or truly inspiring to say.

Only a core few of the authors and trail blazers are still publishing new books regularly, mostly thanks to Oprah and her money making spirituality machine. People like Neale Donald Walsch, and Steve Rother began to sound batty, where previously they had truly BEEN enlightened souls of pure Light energy. And while there are still innovators out there who are definitely in it to win it, and haven't lost sight of the greatest truth within their hearts, they are few and far between. The only one I bother to read any longer is Wayne Dyer. And even he is repeating himself lately.

It's all been said, and done, and a lot of money was made, a lot of fads were marketed, and a lot of new rules were created. And in the end, it's wound up becoming one of the most confusing movements this planet has likely ever seen.

Why? Because now there are literally thousands upon thousands of people saying things like "namaste" to one another, who likely don't know the Mudra one uses while using the Hindu greeting. They refer to the Elohim, as though they are Ascended beings of Light, and not ancient Angels first referenced by Hebrew scripture. They talk about some magical Starseed named Adonai, not knowing that Adonai is actually another word ancient Hebrews used to reference the Holiest of Holies.

Basically, the New Age movement saw a bunch of innovating free thinking radical Indigo children follow their intuition by deciding it was time to raise the vibration of this planet, to slough off heavy 3D patriarchal energy, in order to bring about the revolution known as the Age of Aquarius. But what it ended up becoming is a mish-mash of ancient Pagan, Druidic, Hebrew, Christian, Sumerian, and science fiction (Roddenberry) scripture, lore, and cuneiform.

If you're still holding on to the old philosophies and ideals of the movement, ask yourself why? Consider the rules it consists of now, as opposed to 27 years ago, and the people profiting from it while you buy every book you can get your hands on about manifestation, or positive thinking.

I was a New Age Dogma-holic, for a long while, until it stopped serving me; until it stopped reverberating as "right" within me. Now, I am mostly label free, as I don't know where I stand truly. In a way I feel like a person who has been in a fall out shelter for about 50 years, after the big bomb dropped, coming out to survey the land for the first time. What I see is foreign to me, nothing is familiar, all that was has fallen away, and now makes no sense. So my instincts and intuition guide me to do what humanity does when something comes to it's natural end: start fresh.

If I must label myself, I'm going to type it in big bold face and tape it to my forehead for all to see: Spiritual Rebel.

The rules we've created, about what a spiritualist must eat, think, and surround themselves with in order to Ascend to 5th Dimensional awareness and density no longer apply for me. I don't think they apply to anyone. I consider the movement a grand experiment; and the experiment is over. And guess what?

It was successful.

We have spent the better part of the last 50 years birthing a grass roots movement, which brought us together in unity, in love, in a shared desire to know ourselves on a deeper and more meaningful level. We learned how to meditate, which is a skill any sentient being really owes it to themselves to possess. We sought to understand the physics of the Universe through the laws of Attraction, Karma, and Duality on Earth. We have expanded our consciousness, and explored our Chakra's, we understand that those wheels of light that spin on our Astral body are directly related to our physical body via our glands and vascular systems, and we better understand our overall health as a result. 

And most of all, we have learned that we have free will to do as we desire, and if something ends up going in a direction we didn't anticipate or desire, we can start fresh. 

As for the rules of the New Age movement? Hit delete my friends. Refresh. Return to Go and throw the dice again. The game is ready to begin anew, each moment, each day, each breath you take. So let's let the dogma off it's chain, throw it a bone, and then gather and have a go at the next New movement together. Let's keep perfecting our community consciousness and co-creation together, and good Goddess, let's keep making mistakes together, because those have taught us so much more than any singing bowl, or moldavite pendant, or any other pretty bauble ever could.

I Love You.

If The Truth Hurts, Then It Can Also HEAL

Mother always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all", and for the most part, Mother was right.

However, there is a fine line between minding ones own business, and suppressing ones own honesty. I find in this age of political correctness, people are very hesitant to speak their minds, and yet also in this online age of technology and social network relationships when people do speak their minds they can do so in a very passive aggressive and tongue-in-cheek way. I don't see the value, health, or merit in glossing over ones feelings, as it only creates ripples of discord and imbalance in an honest discussion or discourse.

While it is good, and inspiring to only speak positive words to those around us, in an effort to "be the change we wish to see in the world", there is a fine line between being kind, and being a duplicitous enabler. Telling someone what you know they want to hear, in order to avoid confrontation, while suppressing your own truth, values and dignity only makes you feel like a "yes-man", and does nothing to enlighten or illuminate the other person. There is too much head patting going on in the world at large in my honest estimation, and all this type of coddling does is give people the wrong type of encouragement.

I try to speak from my highest place of love and respect at all times, but I will never simply roll over and tell someone what they wish to hear in order to placate them or avoid their negative response. This may cause some to find me harsh, or even arrogant at times. And yet to those who know me very well, it is abundantly apparent that it is love that motivates my honesty. If I did not love people, I would not invest myself in open discourse with them. It would be simple to nod and smile and leave people with a sense of righteousness if I did not care about them.

But I do care. I care for people in such a deep and innate way, and this goes so much further than simply caring for their feelings, or vanity, or insecurities. You see, I care for peoples hearts and souls. I care for the fullness of authenticity within each sovereign person; and as I have been nudged by others at times through catalytic confrontation, I also use my intuitive sense of knowing of others to push them to dig deeper within themselves than they are used to.

This relates to personal growth; something every person on the planet can benefit from. As the Oracle at Delphi's message related: "Know Thyself". And to truly know oneself, one must see through the false layers of persona one builds up over a lifetime; the ego, vanity, the bullish sense of righteousness we develop as we live life in this grand realm of duality.

Our personalities are very much like onions, as a dear animated ogre named Shrek once said. With each layer you peel back, you reveal yet another, deeper layer. And as you peel back these false layers of the self, and the personality, they can cause tears, and yet with each layer another reveals itself. And the analogy of the onion peel is a simple yet poignant way to depict the fullness of a journey of self-aware awakening. While we discover things about our false layers, we can often face things that make us cry, and feel guilty, and experience regrets. The key is to not get caught up in those feelings, but to ardently continue to explore, peel back, and explore the deeper darker recesses of our psyche into order to reach a truer place of self.

Because I feel a deep love, kinship, and sense of empathy towards people and the human condition, and because I myself seek this deep level of self-aware honesty, I find it absolutely counter productive to play at politics with people. I show my love through straight forward relating. Now let me define this, because I don't want to give you the impression that I blunder through life like a bull in an emotional china shop, stepping on toes for the sake of opening wounds that I feel need exposing. It isn't my place to point out the flaws of another person; I have enough of my own flaws to contend with and understand and accept when I cannot transmute them. This isn't about surface level issues such as the physical, but always about something deeper within that compels a person to avoid the truth of how they are feeling.

A few days ago, a very dear person to me said something which was full of bitter projection, and generalized condemnation towards immigrants. This statement caused me pain, because I knew it was misplaced. It wasn't this persons true intent to be seen as racist or intolerant; she simply was feeling poorly about herself and projected that to a faceless nameless entity of external people, to avoid facing her true feelings of dissatisfaction with herself. I weighed my options, and chose brute honesty, because I love her very much. I told her that her statement was general, and somewhat racist. And her response was volatile, full of anger, righteous indignation, and she quickly accelerated and pointed all her anger towards me. I allowed her to vent her rage at me, while I calmly and very honestly attempted to explain to her that she was projecting deep feelings of pain and anger towards me, because she was not willing to just deal with the feelings themselves.

And she chose to play victim, which I was sad to see, yet I know the experience will give her a great opportunity to rise above her own limited perception of herself, and the situation itself. I eventually withdrew, telling her I love her, explaining that we would connect again in the future, and honestly telling her that I will always be here for her, however am not her punching bag. And I'm quite certain she will continue to point her anger at me for as long as it serves her to do so. And eventually the righteous anger will simmer down, and those feelings of sorrow and fear will still sit within her, and she will have to face them honestly, and perhaps even realize that blaming strangers from other countries, or me, was just a smoke screen for her to avoid the truth all along.

This is what people do; it is the human condition at it's most raw and simplistic. We avoid the pain within, because it hurts so god damned much, and instead we channel it into anger, and point it outwards, rather than working on the internal issues where it originates.

And this is why it is so fundamentally important to me that I be as honest as I can be with others. Because I love this dear woman enough to see the truth of her feelings, and to know that she was having a very bad day. Now, wouldn't it be more loving or kind to simply let her have space to vent that frustration, you may be asking?

Let me ask you, if I had said nothing, and let her make her veiled intolerant comments about immigrants, would that have done her any justice? I would have given her the silent message that A: it is okay to hurt others to feel better about yourself, and B: I don't hold higher expectations from or FOR her.

Sure, I could have let it fly, ignored it, chalked it up to a "bad day", but again, this is a very dear person to me, someone who I have seen victimize herself in the past, by disowning her own responsibility for her words, actions, and decisions, and I want so much more for her. I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror if I did not contribute some catalytic emotional pressure towards her; something to help her get through the BS layers in order to find a deeper truth within her. And the deepest truth within any of us is love. The only thing keeping us from feeling, living, and expressing that love is fear. And fear manifests itself as pain, sorrow, loss, longing, and frustration.

So I'll say it again, because I love people so dearly, I will never cow-tow to the ego and the insidious games it plays. I will never pat people on the head and say "there there, you're right, you're very hard done by and life is so hard on you" because I know that experience is simply the bi-product of our previous thoughts, feelings, and actions.

To truly show love, respect, compassion and empathy, we must be willing to be unpopular, to be honest, and to stand up to the most vile manifestations of ego and anger.

And when this very dear person is ready to exhale, and let her anger go, and approach me honestly in her pain, and her sorrow, I will then take her gently in my arms and whisper words of assurance and validation to her. For then she will be in a place to receive my compassion. For now, she only wants to fight, because she is so unhappy within herself and doesn't know how to direct those complex feelings.

And this is the type of love I welcome into my life too. I have learned more through adversity than similarity in my life, and when people in my life have held a mirror up to me and challenged me to see my own hypocrisy and duplicity, I have raged, and become righteously angry and volatile; and then I have gone within, seen and faced the truth they have gifted me with, and grown.

That is all any of us can do; be honest, and grow beyond our previous limited perception, towards a fulfillment of love, and peace, and acceptance.

The Truth about the Law of Attraction: Avoidance vs. Involvement

I think our collective search for enlightened self-awareness is a beautiful sign of our changing times, and a testament to the human spirit and will to be more than we currently are. On the journey of awakening, we encounter ideas and ideologies that test our boundaries, flex our compassion and force us to hold ourselves up to scrutiny as we attempt to see the ego clearly in order to grow beyond its limited and clingy insecurities.

One of the major tenets of the new age spirituality is the Law of Attraction; this is a large part of the movement, and one which is open to much interpretation, and ironically it's depth seems to grow as we do as individuals. In the beginning of a journey of self-awareness the LoA seems like a magical realm we can access if we act, think, and speak in proper or positive ways.

As we grow and evolve, we come to realize that one simply cannot play at attraction to bargain with the fates; one must shift their entire state of being in order to be in alignment with the fullness of the physics of this Universe.

One of the pitfalls along the journey, in regards to the Law of Attraction, which can catch you up and stick you in one delusional spot, is the notion that since like attracts like, you must surround yourself with only positive people, and remove all negative people from your life. I have seen people walk away from relationships, marriages, parents, family and friends because of this very issue, and witnessed the outcome as a result. It is never what you hope it will be.

The Law of Attraction promises more of what you put out there; if you remove negative people from your life because you only want positive people in your life, you will surely soon be surrounded by negative people. This is because the sub-thought, or the underlying motivator is fear; fear of the negative people, and all they bring with them. The Law of Attraction is a lesson machine, and there is certainly much more to be learned from our adverse relationships than our harmonic ones.

Ridding yourself of negative relationships will only serve to teach you about abandonment, disloyalty, and running away; you cannot escape karma. It is wiser to learn how to relate to these negative people in a more positive way. Rather than disassociating yourself from the negative people about you, it would be wiser to focus on what you can learn, and how you can help.

I learned this lesson in a poignant and super intimate way myself, through the relationship I have with my mother. While she is not a negative person per se, our relationship was negative, critical, and painful for me. I walked away from the relationship finally and stayed away for three years. During that three years I learned to come to terms with my feelings, guilt, anger, and thought I had done the "right" thing. Life was certainly more peaceful without the arguments we would have had. And yet, I missed my mother. And at the end of the experience, nothing was gained; in fact three years had been lost.

When I let her back into my life I learned immediately that nothing had changed; we still had communication issues, respect issues, and a massive imbalance in our relationship. So I began to ask new questions; rather than asking "why does this happen to me every time we talk?" or "How can she be so cold?" I began to ask "What is it about me that sets her off?" and "How can I adjust my behavior in order to bring out the best in her?"

When I adjusted my perception it all fell into place, magically. My mother wanted to nurture me, and I had never realized I was defensive towards that, feeling as though she was treating me like a child. She wanted to feel a motherly sense of control and power, so I allowed her to take on more a parental concern roll in my life again, and when I stopped being critical of her, she immediately stopped doing so with me. It has been a growth period in the last few years between us, as our power struggles gave way to a real and authentic relationship. We enjoy one another in a way we never did previously. When I got out of her way long enough to let her be my parent again, and stopped being defensive long enough to let her nurture, she became comfortable with me. And this allowed her to accept me more openly for who I am in return.

I am pleased to say, that after decades of unhealthy toxicity between us, we are now truly mother and daughter again. Neither of us are perfect, but neither of us are fixated upon the others faults. And for once, we can just enjoy each other "as is."

In this way, the LoA has truly "rewarded" me with "more of the same", in that I put in the genuine time and effort to see my part in the negativity in the relationship, and the entire dynamic of the relationship shifted as soon as I had the revelation I needed.

So this brings me to another pitfall regarding the Law of Attraction; this is a mentality I see many spiritualists exuding which needs addressing, as it is detrimental not only to the individual, but to the very planet itself.

"If I don't think about it, it isn't an issue."

Many new agers seem to have this idea that if they don't think about it, it ceases to be an issue; and they act as though this is positive thinking when in fact it is apathy and avoidance.

Sure, where you put your focus your energy intensifies. Yet if you look around you to the world at large, we are living in very uncertain times; there is so much cataclysm around us, hunger, war, tyranny, injustice, and none of these wrongs will be righted by turning a blind eye towards them.

The LoA would be best utilized by lightworkers and spiritualists who understand that shining a positive light upon the negative aspects of this world will exponentially benefit everyone, and everything.

None of us are here to experience an easy Nirvana; if we were, we would all move to Tibet and sit upon mountains with monks, chanting, taking up vows of celibacy and silence, so we can do kindness all day and meditate our way to higher levels of personal awareness.

We are not on that mountain however, and there are very real issues all around us that impose themselves upon our empathy and compassion, and ignoring them does not make them go away. Enlightenment is not something to seek for the sake of having it, nor is it something that comes easily; truly enlightened souls know that difficulty is the truest path to ease.

So do you want to really explore the LoA, and truly flex your awakening journey? Get involved. Get involved in anything that ignites the passion within your spirit. There are so many causes upon this planet that will fire your chakras and get your empathy boiling, and this involvement will connect you to others who are working towards a common cause; you will learn together, grow together, and discover real and valid ways to be the change you wish to see in the world.

I challenge you to challenge yourself; follow the path of least resistance and yet keep your eyes open and be aware of the world around you. Paying heed to the heartache of your fellow man will not drag you "down", but perhaps it will help you figure out a way to lift others UP.

The Law of Attraction is a universal law of physics; science, not a mystical system of barter or exploitation. Rather than focusing on what you can get out of it, try to see what you can put into it.

To paraphrase, for a little tongue-in-cheek fun;

"Ask not what the Law of Attraction can do for you, ask what YOU can do for the world around you."

God is Greater Than Your Deepest Truth

I am an ardent seeker of truth, and the truth is subjective, and hides under layers of subterfuge and ego much of the time, so truth seeking can be a needle hunt, and send one off on side tangents and journeys into the darker reaches of the psyche. For one to genuinely wish to see the truth of who they are, to really wish to understand who they are, they must be willing to take a lot of of cosmic anvils to the forehead, a lot of uppercuts to the identity, and it requires much uncomfortable eating of crow.

You see, the truth is something we seldom deal in when looking at who we are, as we tell our stories, and build up layers of comfortable persona-laden tidbits in order to feel more at home within the skin. To know truth one must see the fallacies within, clearly and without bias, and understand their own human condition intimately. It is our condition to seek comfort and safety, and often truth flies in the face of such things, making us feel twitchy and not at all at ease. So we rewrite the past, and build up bits of who we have been in order to live with it in a more peaceful way. 

We do this with God too, and this is indeed the most basic of our conditioning as a species. We identify with a deity that fulfils needs we have deep within, and so we personalize God and build Him in our own image and likeness. God becomes the parent we never had, the mentor we sought growing up, the shoulder we could weep upon and the hand which guides us lovingly. We put our own needs and wants and insecurities into our expectations of God, until we stop addressing God, and replace Him with the being we need; choosing our insecurities over truth.

But God is not the type of deity that coddles insecurity and pats heads and feeds cookies. 

God doesn't lie to Her creations, and does not waste time feeding false delusions with further illusions of grandeur. 

I see people on social networks addressing their Gods, praying for their petty wants and desires, pleading with and posturing and playing politics, trying to bargain with God in order to have their own will be done. Very few people are comfortable at the core with "thy will be done." In truth, we push our agendas on to God, and when God doesn't hand over the keys to the kingdom on a silver platter then victims are born.

I am a big fan of prayer; I pray often, quietly, inwardly and outwardly. I pray when I gaze upon the stars, I pray when I lay in bed at night, I pray when I see a baby smile. And when I think I want something I try to humbly ask God to do as She sees fit, and grant me the serenity to accept that choice. 

To truly love and accept God, you have to love and accept yourself, and understand a few basic principals at the core of your being;

• God is not invested in your drama, and He grants you free will - you will experience the consequences of your previous choices, so be sure you're able to live with your choices.
• God is not a wish master, She is not a genie in a bottle, no amount of asking nicely will grant your wishes. Want your prayers answered? Pray for selfless things. God loves givers.
• God helps those who help themselves. Get off your knees, begging doesn't become you.
• God is not a physical being, does not look like you, does not experience emotions like you, and is indeed far beyond any of our comprehension. If you truly understood WHO God IS, you would never feel fear, anger, jealousy, envy, or compulsion again.
• God has better things to do than answer your ever whim.
• God is greater than your deepest truth, your most fervent yearning, your most sorrowful pain.

To really have a relationship with the infinite energy of the Universe, the Giver Of Duality, the Granter Of Decisions, you will want to stop seeing Him as a He. Stop seeing Her as a She. God is All. God is energy.

God is vibration and sound and elements of light and dark and everything in between. God is ALL.

All couldn't care less about what job you do, or if you fall in love, or if your children are behaved, or if you get the raise, or house, or car, or anything else you ask God for. God gave you all the tools you need to grant these things to yourself.

What God does is exist - within all - lending Universal energy to All. You can access this energy and work with it, or you can ignore it and worship petty godlings and false idols.

And when it comes to world religions - they are all false idols.

Yet none are wrong, and there is no sin. It is all self imposed - God is the most accommodating creator you could conceive of - there is no limit to what you can do in Gods Garden.

I urge you to stop seeing God in the mirror, and start seeing God as more than you are, learn to let go of your dogma and pre-conceived notions, and seek the truth in the most honest and humble way you can. Talk to God, and then still your mind, turn off your agenda seeking ego, and listen.

God is always talking. Birds sing, God talks. Rains fall, God talks. A star falls, God talks. The Moon waxes, God Talks. 

Are you listening?

Miracles Happen - I Am Living Proof!

Twenty-Five years ago I had my first scoliosis surgery, and was fused from the middle of my spine to my mid-lumbar with titanium bars to correct a pretty impressive curve that was shaped like an "S". After that I had twelve uneventful years, with daily aches and pains and occasional trips to the local ER for pulls, tears and other painful episodes, but all in all I could not complain.

In 2000 after giving birth to my miracle child (she was born despite all the odds against my body) I began to suffer pain of a deeper degree on a daily basis. As the years went by this pain deepened until about five years ago I found walking all but impossible due to the pain and grinding in my lower back.

A year ago, on January 22, 2013 I had a spinal revision surgery to extend my rods down lower on my lumbar spine, as I'd worn away so much bone during years of bone on bone friction. And then last July I had another emergency revision, in which all hardware was removed and I was fused from my neck to my pelvis. Basically I have metal running the entire length of my spine, and both rods are screwed into my pelvic plates. 

After surgery last summer I was completely immobilized, and spent more time in hospital unable to move, walk, sit or stand. I was sent home in late August with daily nursing care, a hospital bed, and other personal aides for the bathroom and home. The road ahead was long, and punctuated by a lot of frightening question marks. 

Would I be able to walk again? Would I require further surgery? Was my mobility a thing of the past?

I fell into depression and during the fall of last year I found it difficult to keep my thoughts positive as I saw little to no progress. Some days I would weep from morning to night, as a feeling of futility settled upon me like a damp scratchy cloak. My husband and daughter were so supportive and loving, and without their patience I'm not sure I would have made it through the end of the year with my emotional well being in tact. 

Then as November gave way to December something miraculous happened, and for absolutely no reason at all, I began to grow stronger!

The last month and a half has been amazing in ways I cannot even express; I find myself walking without assistance, no walker, no cane, no limp and no pain that I cannot bear! All of a sudden my body has slipped into acceptance of it's new posture, and the debilitating pain that plagued me over the last few years has become simple aches and pains; which I surely am strong enough to handle. I'm a champion when it comes to aches and pains.

I did not pray or even wish for this; I was certain in my bleakest moments that the long descent into disability was under way, and I would never know physical strength again. I did not think positively or attempt to manifest good health, I did not dare hope for things that I knew surely were not in store for me. I turned my prayer and blessings outwards towards friends and family, and tried to come to terms with my inability to do the things I had once taken for granted. I attempted to graciously accept that my house would never gleam again, and that I would never put my own socks on again, and was learning to weather it with quiet resolve as I strived to reclaim any amount of dignity I could.

So as the last few weeks have gone by I've found myself wondering "how did this happen??" I did not pray for it, I did not dare. I did not expect or anticipate or even dream of it. I have become so accustomed to "bad news" regarding my health that I was adjusting my perception to accommodate it and try to find the blessings therein. I was truly beginning to find peace in the notion that the remainder of my days would be spent requiring assistance showering, washing up dishes, preparing a small meal...

But here I sit, fit and straight; my spine aligned as I have never known it, my hips even, my legs strong, the pain within my body minimal for the first time in half a decade. Why? Do I believe in miracles? Of course I do, but I have never thought myself worthy of one.

Worthy or not, I've received a miracle, and I am so beyond grateful and humbled and over-the-moon joyful that I cannot contain it! 

I do not understand why some people must suffer while others seem to thrive, nor do I know why some people toil while others experience ease and abundance. I have suffered and toiled for so long that the thought of ease or abundance makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, as I wonder what the price will be for such blessings. And maybe there is no divine "reason" for my miracle, and my body simply decided it was time to get up, heal, and move forward. 

In any event, I will not take it for granted. I have spent so much time in the last decade abed, feeling exhausted by the litany of medications I have taken to deal with the pain of a crumbling spine. And I still have a long road ahead of me, as I attempt to use muscles which have lain dormant for years, and get my body up and moving again. But I am so eager, and happy to have the ability to push myself to tears, as sweat rolls off my forehead and I grunt with the effort of riding my exercise bike, or doing the stretches I have to do in order to regain any amount of flexibility.

What I wish to leave you with, through the sharing of my miracle, is the knowledge that the body is a brilliant machine that serves us so well without our even realizing it most of the time. The simple act of bending to pick up something from the floor, or rolling over in bed without taking five painful minutes doing it little by little... there is so much the body does that we do not consider until those things are no longer possible. 

When I woke up with my arms paralysed last January after a nerve injury during surgery, and spent three days without their use until the nerve began to heal, I learned to never take my arms for granted again. Do you know how frustrating it is to have an itchy nose and no way to scratch it?

The body is a temple; and the soul dwells within. Treat your body as you would treat your most prized possessions, with care, gentle maintenance, and gratitude. 

I was lucky to find a surgeon gifted enough to build me a new strong spine. I was blessed to find his colleague who has committed himself to my pain management and rehabilitation. I am in awe of the miracle I have received in the last six weeks, and whether I thank God or the Goddess, modern medicine, or my own body, I want the world to know that miracles really can and do happen.

Three months ago I could not walk without a rollator walker, and required help in and out of the shower. I could not reach the bottom shelf of the fridge or do up my bra. It took me upwards of 2-3 minutes to walk 20 feet down the hall to the bathroom, and I could not sit or stand without great effort and pain.

Today I stretched for 15 minutes, then rode my exercise bike for 20 minutes, and soon I will go do the dishes, have a shower, and straighten up my bedroom; because my body is able to.

I do believe in miracles. They happen every day.

Accessing Your Inner Caregiver; Soothing Your Inner Child

We live in a world that places so much emphasis on the wounds we collect as we grow up; the affronts to the "inner child", and many people spend so much of their time and money on therapy sessions, hoping to unravel hidden hurts in hour long sessions so that they may find peace and clarity.

Is it possible that talking about the gunk we go through in our formative years, again and again; dredging it all up for this psychiatrist or that therapist over and over could be more harmful than helpful in the end? Isn't the purpose of those painful experiences in our youth to help us grow and learn from our mistakes and hardships as we get older?

I would not suggest that seeking professional help for psychological issues isn't helpful or even wise; I myself have seen therapists in the past for my own issues surrounding my childhood, adoption, and unresolved feelings of abandonment. There is certainly a cathartic sense of release to be had in acknowledging our pain and then working on releasing it.

But the industry of healing the inner child is perhaps skewed and leaning too heavily upon ailment, unintentionally robbing people of a mighty sense of empowerment along the way. 

You see, I've come to realize in my life that not only do we have an inner child, but we also have an inner caregiver. As with all things in life on planet Earth, there is a polar opposite to balance the equation. Everything has it's opposite, and all is right at the end of the day as a result, because up is balanced by down, and the equitable dance between happy and sad gives us so much food for thought (and gratitude!) to learn and grow by. It only stands to reason that those things which hurt us as younger people also helped fortify us as we got older.

Instead of focusing on healing your inner child, suppose you put that energy into encouraging your inner caregiver to embody the loving and healing acceptance you have sought your whole life. We are human, and it is our very condition to seek acceptance, support, understanding, and unconditional love. These things are well and good when received from outside of ourselves, but until we can direct them inwards to our own self they are hollow. The inner caregiver is a conceptual image of the self as this nurturing and constant source of the emotional fortitude we yearn for, and to know it lives within is soothing; we are never truly alone as long as we have our own company, and when our own company is supportive, kind, and attentive then life becomes less overwhelming. The inner child can rest easier knowing that he or she is constantly watched over by the wisdom within, which bears the weight of all the lessons learned; liberated by your own sense of faith in yourself and your concern, compassion, and love for yourself.

When you step into this mindset you empower yourself to stop thinking of your past in regards to drama, victimization, negative experience and pain, and rather see it all as the stepping stones which led you to learn how to love yourself deeper, to value your own uniqueness, and to rely upon yourself to sooth the sorrow which can from time to time surface within. We are not victims of our past; none of us, no matter what we have lived through, experienced or been exposed to. The past is an echo and nothing more, and while it has led you to this place in your life, it does not define you, nor does it set the stage for who you will next become in your life. Your inner child is just a shadow, an image much like a hologram which no longer exists in your present state of being. But the inner caregiver is alive, vital, and very much present at this moment, and will be with you always.

So cultivate your inner caregiver by understanding that it is your psyche, your truer self, guided by your soul or your heart or whatever tender parts of your truth you wish to relate it to. Your inner caregiver is the wisest, most loving and gentle, patient and kind parts of you, and all you need to do to access the sweet sensations from within is just think about it. If you still your mind, deepen your breathing, and focus on feeling the calm and peace of your internal nursemaid, you will feel her or him.

So the next time you feel yourself being tugged into your past by your inner child, to a moment that makes you feel pity, shame, fear or guilt, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and picture that small child being rocked gently in the arms of the most loving version of yourself you can conjure. Know that in all of your biological complexity you are ultimately a very simple creature who just requires tenderness and positive reinforcement; and then remember that it all begins within you.

How To Change the World?

I am regularly and routinely shocked when I realize that I am amongst a small percentage of human beings who believe the world is not okay the way it currently is. In my own mind and consciousness when I think about the tyranny on this planet, the lies and the ways in which we are truly enslaved by commerce and politics, I can't help but feel infuriated at the way in which society has evolved to become something corrupt and elitist. And yet it is clear to me that while the planet appears to be waking up to the magnitude of our reality in all it's messed up spectacle, there are still so many people who are more comfortable with the lie.

You see, when someone begins to realize that the world is corrupt, and corporate greed runs the planet, it is a scary notion; not something easy to digest. When you really begin to see how big pharmaceutical corporations, oil corporations, banks and politics all strive to keep people complacent and afraid, it leaves you feeling raw, uncertain and extremely fearful. If an entire planet can become blinded by the almighty buck, and suddenly science fiction seems less like fiction and more like a bleak reality, then what is yet to come becomes an overwhelming future full of grim injustice.

The things that weigh on me most heavily right now are the things I cannot control as an individual; such as Hydraulic Fracturing and the way in which the powers that be are actively lying to the world about how invasive and damaging the "Fracking" industry is. People can set their drinking water on fire, tremors are being triggered by the Fracking process, entire ecosystems are rotting before our eyes, because we are reliant on fossil fuels, because those in power have given us no other alternatives. Then there is Monsanto and the GMO reality we are all living and facing; when it becomes okay for a presidential administration to grant secrecy and anonymity to companies who are genetically modifying our crops, and these genetic mutations are proving fatal in animal testing, and yet they are so deregulated that the public is not viewed as having a need of or right to the exact laundry list of toxins that are going into the food we eat. These GMO altered foods are killing the worlds Bee population, which is another huge concern; without Bee's our planets plant life will surely die out.

Why do we allow these things to happen, putting out of mind the horrendous truth of the machine which we are enslaved to and trying to ignore the magnitude of what we are doing to this planet and each other is not changing anything.

The bottom line is the 1% of the worlds Elite are rich because we feel powerless and so we become complacent and just adopt a "you can't fight city hall" frame of mind..

The facts are in people, autism, ADD, panic disorder, and other psychological and neurological illnesses and diseases are directly related to pollution, vaccinations, water contamination, chemical waste - when do we say enough is enough and truly become activists??

The word activist has taken on a negative connotation, as the grass roots movements of the 1960's lost massive amounts of credibility due to right wing criticisms of the peace and love movement. It became almost a joke to think about the long haired "hippies" of the 60's, and instead of their message of liberty, love, community and peace remaining their legacy to the world, we instead look back with comical caricatures of stoners like Cheech and Chong symbolizing a hippy. But the movement itself wasn't about the style or the music; it was about people, and freedom, and sustaining a future for our children which would be fertile and abundant with possibility.

An activist is one who is active: and apathy is the antithesis of activity. We have become complacent and apathetic towards the world around us; we are so desensitized to war, to bloodshed and genocide, we are bombarded by images of murder and terrorism on the television; something within us as a global community has learned to turn off the feeling of fear and shock within. It's a safety mechanism and none of us can be blamed; the world around us has been devised to make us feel exactly this way. It was the vision of our forefathers not to ensure a democratic world for us to build upon with equality and opportunity, but rather to build powerful governmental structures to ensure those with the 'right' ideas stayed in control. This is why the poor fight wars while the rich profit from them; it's why the poor flock to churches while the rich bow down to the dollar alone. As an entire planet we've been duped by those who always had the most money and the most influence; and we are now truly enslaved.

We are enslaved by a system which is thrust upon us from the day we are born; and we seldom question the choices we are groomed for, because to question our reality means we accept something is wrong. And accepting something is wrong requires you to either do something, or live with the guilt of your own inaction; both are undesirable outcomes.

So what do we do?

On a bad day (which I have increasingly to be honest) I fear that nothing can be done, because it is too late and to try to change the mechanisms of the global money machine means complete planetary anarchy is necessary, and the second that occurs we will be living under obvious and conspicuous martial law.

We live under martial law already; it's apparent to anyone willing to truly see, yet it is disregarded or covered up, and we ignore it. The media is owned by those in power, and seldom does a truly unbiased news report surface anywhere in mainstream media. We are blinded by Hollywood, and pointless programming about people who are truly devoid of any redeeming qualities. We watch reality tv, which is totally unreal, and devote our attention to the latest person to OD, or self destruct in the public lens of fame.

Why do we do this? Why do we pay more mind to some singer with loose morals and questionable talent, than we do to the very horrors that are all around us? We do it because we have been conditioned to.

Conditioning is a kinder way to say brainwashed. But to get right to the heart of the matter, that is what has happened. In the last century, while technology and science have begun to explode, and we've become aware of the entire planet on a real time internet basis, we have been brainwashed by the popular culture, the trends, the fashions, the politics, and the money.

We are completely reliant upon the machine now; who among us don't use gasoline, or plastics, or medicines; our whole reality is set up on a foundation of commerce and big business.

But maybe we don't need to do anything radical to be a change; maybe it's as simple as deciding to become responsible and think globally while truly acting locally. Little things can make a big difference. So like our parents and their generation during the 1960's grass roots movement, perhaps we can start actively demonstrating our desire to see things begin to take a shift towards conscious creation, proactivism as it were. Research and read, and learn about who is in charge of things where you are interested, and try to stop using products which support tyranny. Switch brands, read ingredients, take the time to investigate the shots you give yourself or your children before committing your genetic health to nameless billionairs living overseas while CEO'ing pharmaceuticals.

Gandhi said we were to "Be the change you wish to see in the world", and this is the basis of any activist group or ideal. Instead of just talking about what's wrong we have to start making it right. It requires us to be willing to make some changes in our own personal lives. And that can be uncomfortable, or an inconvenience. But when you take your own needs out of the equation and think about the future, your own needs seem paltry by comparison. Think about your children, and their children, and imagine a world in which they cannot swim in lakes or streams, or eat a berry off the bush, or get an education without being forced to receive mysterious vaccinations. Imagine a world where there are no green places any more, and where water is recycled because we've run out of clean renewable water sources. Imagine a world where the sky is forever milky white due to chemical trails, and a blue sky with puffy white clouds is something children read about in history books.

Can you live with that heavy weight in your heart? I can't.

Start making changes in your own life. Don't be afraid; there is nothing to fear. If every single person begins to make wiser choices for their own life, then the machine changes, because the only thing dictating supply is demand; if we demand different things then the powers that be will have no choice but to supply what we require.

We don't need fossil fuels, we have renewable and natural resources like the wind and the sun, we don't need vaccinations because our bodies come equipped with beautiful and miraculous immune systems which magically grow stronger when given the chance to create anti-bodies by being ill.

Don't you see? We have everything we need already - and it's all supplied by the very planet we are destroying. 

Switch to a more natural way of thinking, seeing things, and living, and your children will have a richer future because of it. As a single person we are just one small voice; but when we gather and take up a common cause we are unstoppable.

What If There Is No God? What if Love is God?

Having spent most of my life seeking enlightenment, awakening and awareness, it is more than ironic that I find myself writing this particular post. There is coming full circle, and then there is circling, shooting out into orbit and heading off in a direction you didn't previously know existed. You see, I always assumed that there was a greater meaning to life, and an omnipotent overseer of this Universe, who we often call God, and in those assumptions I hung up my hat and rested for well over three full decades. I questioned aspects of my beliefs as I bounced from Christianity to Wicca to New Age to Paganism, but I never for a moment imagined any track I was on was remotely "off".

But now, through the 20/20 clarity of hindsight I can see how all of those previous states of awareness have just led me towards my current state of perception, and it's shocking to realize how all of that spiritual seeking led me right into a neo-atheistic state of mind.

I'm not an atheist, I do believe there is some kind of creative energy in the Universe, but I don't for a moment spend any more time imagining that this energy is sentient or benevolent or spends any amount of it's time giving a crap about my piddly existence or problems.

When I ponder the history of humanity, in no real linear fashion, I can see nothing but a history of bloodshed and violence; when you examine the cause of our wars as a people the root of the problem always in every single case boils down to one issue: ideology. Every single conflict every single person has ever had on this planet has revolved around mine vs yours, whether it is property, resources, beliefs, or liberties. In every case of tyranny and oppression on our planet, which are far too great to number or list, the distinct similarity has been one side or faction attempting to strip the other side of something valuable and treasured. We look at this as a modern "civilized" society and think we've come so far, yet it's still happening every day all over this world. People are constantly arguing over who's beliefs are right, who's moral ideology is right, who's politics are right, who's ethnic rituals are right; we spend so much time hurting one another over our own perceived rightness, how can any of us truly believe we are a civilized species?

We drive cars, and wear suits, and live in houses, and contribute to an economy and have access if we're lucky to moderately effective health care, but does that make us civilized?

The history of this planet is proof enough to me that all of my previous spiritual seeking has led me to exactly where I want to be now; comfortably uncomfortable in my uncertainty and cynicism. When I think back to the mindless time and gestures I expended "believing" that everything happened for a reason, while going with the flow as life happened to me, I feel a sense of futility within me that urges me to get up and scream. Christianity taught me to turn the other cheek, while Wicca taught me to do no harm; Paganism taught me to value nature, while the new age movement taught me that we are all One. And in the end all of those lessons are utter hogwash to me, because if we all turn the other cheek, that is tantamount to apathy; nothing gets accomplished, tyranny trumps all as we're all turning the other cheek and allowing oppression to happen around and TO us. Do no harm? That's the most ambiguously hypocritical tenet any religious or spiritual sect can adhere to, we all do harm, constantly, and only those who deny it are lying to themselves. To truly do no harm one needs to start within, and we are a society that is constantly harming, ourselves and each other, through our words, our actions, our insecurities, our need for validation, our quest for the almighty dollar and piece of the pie. Paganism comes closest for me, as I do indeed revere nature, and yet to truly be in balance with nature I must embrace myself as a primal creature above all else; with baser desires and agendas which violate the teachings of all other belief systems. And then there is the new age movement, which honestly sickens me to death now. Do I believe we are all One? No, I honestly never did. While I can achieve a feeling of Oneness with life, and with myself, I have never truly felt at One with you, or any other human being. I don't want to, as I value my individuality and my experiences, and while I want to relate to you, and understand you, and feel compassion and forgiveness for you, I certainly do not want to meld into you or merge with your essence.

For me it's more comfortable to accept that all of these religious beliefs and spiritual compunctions are just man made; from the beginning of time man looked to the stars for answers, to help us understand our loneliness, our isolation, to help us feel secure in the darkness and within our own fears. We have been seeking validation from our first steps out of the bubbling ooze of evolution, and most of us are willing to give up our own unique spark of individuality to meld into a group of others in order to feel safe, included, valued, and validated. That is why people choose a church, and then spend so much time defending it as the "right" one to others who don't share their particular beliefs.

But can anyone truly be right, when the planet rotates to tunes sung thousands of years ago, and no one is really willing to question information for fear of being isolated in their blasphemy?

What makes more sense, a mystical God who lives in a magical heavenly place who gave us free will but will give us consequences if we don't follow his divine rules, or a universe in which life has taken root, and has grown, and evolved through the millenia?

If you really believe some mighty being who is better than you in every way created the Earth so he could impose his morality upon his children is in charge of this show, then I fear for us all. Sincerely.

No matter what you call it, religion, spirituality, theology, it's all just enslavement to me. The seeking can lead to liberation and sovereignty which is magical in itself, but when someone gets stuck along the journey and decides to settle for complacency and safety in a fantasy, then growth stops, freedom becomes an illusion, and individuality gives way to mob mentality belief systems.

If we could all just look at one another and nod and say "I don't have any of the answers, except that which I feel in my heart" then what a beautiful place this world could potentially become, for all of us. Perhaps we'd put our guns down, and stop feeling the need to police others behaviors, beliefs, and passions. If we could only just accept that life can be random, and chaotic at best, and that grasping at what we think are the answers only serve to mollify the deep truth within; humanity is a fearful empty lonely breed of life, and we do each other more harm than good with our various religious beliefs and factions.

In the end, no matter what you believe, or I believe, or anyone else believes, the truth remains that if indeed there were some omnipotent sentient being watching us from above, they would be sadly disappointed with how we have turned out.

I think if we put an end to all these ologies, and just focused on the truths in our hearts, maybe we would be worthy of our own self-inflicted need to feel redemption. We are capable of love, and great acts of compassion and generosity of spirit. We are a people who work better in groups, and stagnate when alone, we need each other. If we stopped imposing our own fear based morality upon each other maybe we could actually learn to get along and act like civilized beings.

The fact that we still debate things like abortion, gay marriage, and equality is indicative of our own fragile hold on what we believe. Because if we truly had faith in the beings we say we serve, like God, or Christ, or Buddha, or Allah, then we would live and let live, and embrace our brother and sister regardless of how different we perceived them to be.

But we don't, we choose to focus on how different we are, how wrong others are, how right we are... and if that continues then nothing will change on this planet, as nothing has changed for millenia. Sure, women can vote now (lucky us) and black people can choose a seat anywhere on the bus, and we have techno gadgets and have been into space, but are we really making any solid progress as a species? Are we any more cultivated than we were a few thousand years ago?

Politics has made passive aggressive assholes of this world through political correctness, and hyper-sensitivity has made even larger jackasses of us, as now everything you say can be construed as evil, hateful, or damnable by this group of people or that.

I'm tired of it. I just want to see people be the best of who they are, and stop hanging all their stuff on some mystical guy in the sky. Imagine how peaceful life would be on this planet if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were alone; and that there is no god judging us or rewarding us. Imagine how empowering it would be to know that we were the creators of our own destiny, and that there was no karmic debt, or anything to transcend except our own fears.

I can no longer call myself spiritual. I read tarot, and yet how difficult to explain to my clients that what I'm doing is more psychological than spiritual now... I simply can't buy into the planetary need we all have within us to find validation at the hands of something or someone more divine or powerful than we are.

When I read tarot I tap into something powerful, vibrational, and natural. And I don't need or want to define it. I don't know if it's spiritual or scientific, and I don't care. I feel it, it is what it is, and it gives me a sense of clarity and compassion that I normally do not possess.

And the same can be said when I am just listening to my heart; when I take god out of the equation, and spirituality, and mysteries, and any inkling of something magical, the true magic emerges, and I see just how fantastic this species really could be if only we stopped trying to march to the same drummer, and were free to just be who we are deep within.

Each of us are unique, individual, and special. And when you stop trying to castigate yourself to some omnipotent being in the sky maybe you'll figure that out. And if you already have figured that out, then spread it, and don't be afraid to be different. Because the way we're doing things just isn't working out for us as a people, and the hatred and killing and tyranny needs to end. And it won't if we don't change the system from the inside out.

So instead of offering up empty prayer or false smiles, just be who you are, at the best of yourself, for the sake of yourself and others, without the desire to please some invisible man in the clouds.

Then you'll know what it feels like to be in control of your own happiness. And that's powerful.